New Friends Already!

Wow, I am so grateful and totally amazed that I already got 4 wonderful comments from some of my favorite bloggers! Thanks gals! So I haven't figured out how to put up a timeline of my TTC journey yet, but if anyone can tell me (i'm totally un-techie and this blog thing is pushing my technology limits!) I'd be really grateful! But in a nutshell here's my story:

Sept 2008 - go off the BCP after 12 years!
I initially went on the pill because when I was 17 I was doing ALOT of running (and to be honest not enough eating) and my period was MIA. My doc at the time put me on BCP and then I just stayed on it since it started coming in handy for "other reasons' as I got to university!

Jan 2009- still no period...wondering if body fat level is too low? did the pill screw everything up? start to worry about IF.

March 2009 - talk to my family doctor about the lack of periods. She sends for some tests and everything looks fine in terms of blood. She does a progesterone challenge to bring on my period. However, it doesn't bring on my period! ok, now i'm freaking out a bit. She refers me to a gynecologist who works out a clinic at the hospital. I get an appointment to see him in May (when i complained about the 5 week long wait to get an appt they basically laughed in my face and told me I was lucky to get an appt in less than 3 months!)...okay...

May 2009: So I see the gyne, he basically doesn't care that I want to get preg but is on a mission to find out why I am not getting my period. He does and estrogen/progesterone challenge to bring on my period...i get a TINY bit of spotting. But apparently that's enough to "pass" that test.

June 20009 Then he schedules me for a sonohysterogram and transvag ultrasound (ie. dildo cam). All's fine with the dildo cam but then the sono was soooooo incredibly agonizing that they couldn't even do it! I was in so much pain I could not breathe as soon as they tried to inflate my uterus to shoot the saline inside.

July 2009- Go on amazing 3 week vacation through Italy with my sexy bear (my hubby). We blissfully think we are going to conceive our little bambino/a in picturesque Italia! Didn't happen.

August 2009-Gyne suggests we do a laproscopy since the sono showed nothing. I get freaked out. Seems like a drastic move when we haven' teven tried any drugs yet (but then again this gyne doesn't care about me getting preggers -in fact he keeps telling me everytime i see him that I should be using BC if I'm not ready for pregnancy....HELLO! do you think I would care about not getting a period except if I wanted to get pregnant! Dolt. His first opening for a lap surgery is in October but I decide to schedule it in December to give myself time to think and see what else happens.

Sept 2009-I start looking in to private fertility clinics and finally find one that appeals to me. I send in the requires forms, get my info sent from my GP and the gyne and am amazed that they call me personally at home in a few days and set up a free consultation for the next week.

Early Oct 2009- I meet the doctor at the clinic, he is very experienced, I trust him. He suggests we do an few injectible cycles because he thinks my hypothalamus is not doing a good job at signalling my ovaries to do their thing. I'm all for it especially when i find out the monitoring appointments and all the blood work are all covered by OHIP! Yippee for Canadian Health Care! However, when we go to start the drugs I realize my drug plan at work is not as great as I thought . They cover 90% of the cost of IF drugs up to a lifetime max of $12 000. sounds like a lot ...but when I saw the first cost for my IF drugs (Menopur, ovidrel and progesterone suppositories) came to $1000 I realized that if I do this for a year, then that fund is all used up! More pressure and stress added to this whole situation! I start having a million thoughts, like what if it takes more than a year of trying for us to get preg , I want 4 kids...that clearly seems like an impossibility at this point and financially not going to happen if we keep needing drugs! And I'm friggin' old! All of these thoughts make my first medicated cycle horrible.
My sexy bear had the job of stabbing me in the stomach twice a day, I had the pleasure of getting up at 5am every few days to go to my vag cam appt. , then the ovidrel trigger shot made me feel so pukey that doing the necessary deed was NO FUN at all! It basically became, ok, assume the doggy style position (heard this is the best), go honey go! Get this over with! and then of course I lay on the bed in a headstand feeling totally unsatisfied (sexually atleast) , feeling totally pukey but with my my hips up I feel like i'm giving the boys the best chance they can get at reaching miss eggy.
After a pukey feeling, bloated (progesterone suppositories), HUGE boob (the bear loved these, but i found they just got in the way and made exercise -in fact even just walking down stairs-painful! ) filled 2WW I got the ugly BFN. Sad but glad to stop the progesterone suppositories and looking forward to losing the bloat that I gained for no reason since i'm not preg.

Ready to start cycle 2 (even though in cycle 1 I swore I didn't care if we ever had kids b/c I couldn't bear the side effects of all the medications!)

On my CD3 appt to start cycle 2 injectibles I find out I have way too many large follicles left on my ovaries. Apparently, I responded a little too well to the medications. In other words they over medicated me and caused my ovaries to hyperstimulate (this can explain all of the terrible sick feelings I was having when I ovulated and during the 2ww). So, I'm stuck on BCP again to wait for the stupid cysts to disappear! And to top it all off I have to do BCP for 2 months instead of just one since the clinic is closed over Christmas. Frustrated but at the same time excited for 2 months of fun sex!

Dec 2009- Sexy Bear (hubby) takes me to Jamaica from the 26 th to Jan 1. We decided this was a good time since we are "on a break" from all the vag cam appts! plus the weather here in Canada totally sucks! oh...and I cancelled my lap surgery. Not ready for that now.

Jan 2010- Getting sad....everyone is preg. I'm not. Waiting for Aunt Flow since I just finished my last pill for the month. Then i'm off on CD3 for my vag cam appt and blood work and hopefully a plan for injectibles (and hopefullly a lower dose!!!).

So that's the scoop. I'm really nervous about doing another injectible cycle, i'm stressed that I will have brutal side effects again, i'm stressed that I will have to get up at 5am to make it to the clinic (which is half an hour away and half an hour from my work as well) by 6:45 am...and its super stressful b/c i'm a teacher and have to be at work at 8:20am and if i'm not the first one in when the cliinic opens then I will for sure be late which is not cool at all !!! I also am most nervous that this cycle won't work, and the next cycle won't work, and then we'll try IUI and that won't work, and then IVF...and i'm just starting to catastrophise and I'm already thinking about adoption. maybe getting a bit ahead of myself but I can't help but be FREAKED out!
final thought...why did I take BCP for 12 friggin' years to prevent getting pregnant!? Clearly I was not one who needed any BC!
Alright i'm off to bed...well, i'm actually already in bed curled up with my super cute puppy Cosmo , but now i'm going to sleep
:) ciao!

September 2