Monday, June 28, 2010

16 week appointment

First off I just want to tell people who don't know what the G20 is (I had a few comments with people asking). It is a meeting of a group (20 I guess) of politial leaders from around the world who come together to discuss finances and budgets and debts etc. It happens every year and it rotates which country is the host. Last year it was in Italy. And unfortunately this year it was Canada's turn to host. Since Obama and all the other big wigs were in town there was massive security/road closures etc put in place and of course people protesting whatever since they know there will be a lot of media and attention given during this time. Among these peaceful protesters there are always trouble makers. They are anarchists (called the Black Bloc) that basically hate police and came to Toronto to destroy our property, taunt our police, and turn the city into a riot town. Totally annoying and disgusting. Hopefully now that the G20 is over they will all get the heck out of here and leave my city alone!

Ok, now that I go that off my chest, onto my appt today.
Today marks 16 weeks. My OB appointment was a bit disappointing. As in, nothing happened. It took literally 2 minutes. Called in...weighed...blood pressure....doppler....sent to get blood taken. Done.

The doppler was cool but since I have one at home it wasn't as cool or amazing as it would be had I never heard my little one's hb before. It was very anti-climatic.
One thing however did stress me out BIG TIME! Pre-pregnancy and I guess pre-fertility drugs I weighed 101 pounds at my physical (January). Today I weighed 110 pounds. I don't own a scale and I never weigh myself at home since weight and numbers are things I can definitely obsess about. I used to be a compulsive exerciser so I have some "issues".
My doctor didn't seem overly concerned but said we will just start watching it now. He said to watch the juice ( I don't drink any juice) and carbs (I don't eat many carbs). So basically I feel like an cow. Mostly though I just feel out of control. To be honest I haven't been eating more than usual really, I did stop exercising for the first trimester due to bedrest and spotting but now I'm back to having great workouts! So why the hell am I gaining so much weight so fast? I know I shouldn't be fretting over weighing 110 pounds and its not the number that I am afraid of, its the unexplained weight gain and the fear of what's to come if this rate of gain keeps up or increases! Don't get me wrong, I feel incredibly blessed and grateful for this little baby I'm growing and I would happily have gained a ton more weight now IF I could explain where the heck it is coming from! Ugh. I feel guilty and sick and for even worrying about this when I should just be happy that atleast I am pregnant and have made it this far. But honestly I still have that nagging doubt in my head that something is going to go wrong and I am going to lose this baby and then I will still have gained this weight for NOTHING! And I will be devasted and fat too. If you feel like punching me I totally understand, and trust me I'm beating myself up for these thoughts too big time.

Anyways, aside from this bullshit my appt went well, everything was fine and I go back in 4 weeks for my BIG anatomy ultrasound. Boy or Girl? I'm thinking (and guiltily hoping) girl. But of course will totally love a little mama's boy!

Hope Monday is going great for you! Today is my first official day of summer break! Woo hoo!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

A sad day in Toronto

G20 is here and it has brought out the WORST in my awesome city! I am so disappointed in the people who I share the city with. There are protesters all over the downtown. Protesting peacefully is fine, but this is out of control. Police cruisers are being set on fire all over the city. The riot police are out in full force. Protesters have been breaking the store front windows of thousands of stores and then taking stuff out of the stores and throwing it on the street. A furniture store was totally robbed and now there are chairs and couches in the middle of the road on Yonge Street (our main street!). It is really disgusting. I only live a couple of blocks from where all this shit is happening and I am feeling trapped! All of the subways, buses, roads and stores in the area are in lock down. Protesters are even throwing golf balls at the police horses trying to trip them! That is so sad! Seriously, what is wrong with people!
I hope this ends soon!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

15 weeker

So...I posted a bitchy post on the weekend about my hubby but of course we made up and i got scared he would read it so it has been deleted. Thank you to those of you who commented.

Also, i'm a couple days late with my 15 week update but here it is....

How Far Along? 15 weeks and 4 days

Maternity Clothes? Lululemons are no longer comfy. This week I bought a pair of regular capri length black tights with a looser waist band to wear with longish shirts. I also got a super cute A-line (there is a tie right under the boobs) shirt and it looks really cute. So that is my newest outfit. Also bought a sports bra, but apparently I again underestimated the size of my new boobs so I have to return it for a bigger one. I am already busting out of my new C cups. A D cup will be entering my future very soon (remember...I used to be an A pre-pregnancy!)

Stretch Marks? No.

Sleep? In general good. Last night I was uncomfy. My stomach and hips were achy. Pregnancy related? Not sure, but I tried to sleep with a pillow between my legs, it just got in the way.

Best Moment of the Week? Being fully "out" at work. I work with a ton of women and currently there are 7 of us all due between Aug and December! One even on my exact due date! It felt really great to chat with all of them and be part of the "club". ha ha.

And....getting our new family car!!! Yippee! We picked up our new SUV last night and I am in love! Finally I'm not embarrased to offer anyone else a ride!

Movement? Can't wait for this to start!

Food Cravings? Not really. Icecream and popscicles but that is probably more heat related than pregnancy related.

Gender? It has been suggested to me by one of the billion preggo ladies at my work that I am having a girl since the HR is always around 158bpm. But who knows! 4 weeks till we find out!

What I miss? Stress free sex, well actually just any sex at all! We have been so incredibly busy and in different places (not together) every weekend and we haven't done it in 2 weeks since our "first time" back at it. And hubs in going camping tonight until Sunday. So i'm out of luck for atleast a few more days!

What I'm looking forward to? School is officially DONE tomorrow and I am FREEEEE for the summer! I'm looking forward to sleeping in, lounging on my beautiful balcony, going to the nearby pool (only a couple times a week since it costs $10 to go but it does have awesome lounge chairs,music, drinks etc.)

And, next OB appt on Monday!

Weekly Wisdom: Pregnancy makes you overly emotional. I cried 3 times this week and I NEVER cry ever! Weird!

Milestones: Coming out of the closet!

Emotions: See above. I'm a crier!

Gotta get back to the final grind. Paper work galore! have a great weekend!

Oh, and booooooo for Italy going out in the World Cup. They sucked this year, and my hubs is OBSESSED with soccer (specifically Italian soccer!). So this will surely put a damper on his mood!


Tuesday, June 15, 2010

14 weeks

How Far Along? 14 weeks

Maternity Clothes? Still in the same old stuff. Mostly Lululemons since I'm not working much these days!

Stretch Marks? No.

Sleep? A lot. I've been going to bed by midnight and since I'm not working I have been sleeping in until 10 everyday! And then lounging in bed until 11 before tackling the day! Life of luxury (for this week atleast!)

Best Moment of the Week? Telling my best friends I am pregnant. They were genuinely happy me except I always sort of feel like my one friend is competing with me and now that I'm pregnant she is going to try super hard to get pregnant with #2 ASAP, just to beat me to it! I know its stupid but we always have had a hidden rivalry I think. But I know she is thrilled for me and I love her so its ok.

Movement? Can't wait for this to start!

Food Cravings? None. But I am not feeling satisfied after my usual breakfast of an orange and and english muffin with a TON of PB. I have been adding a yogurt to ease my hunger. Anyone else pregnant and finding they are hungrier? How/how much food do you add? I've read the 300 calories a day thing but I've also heard that even that is unnecessary? Opinions?

Gender? Hoping girl .... (in the "i'm hoping but will still totally love a boy" kind of way!)

What I miss? Stress free sex. Wiping without fear of the toilet paper inspection that follows everytime! Having to turn the bathroom light on for night time pee breaks (ie. to do the required self imposed toilet paper inspection!)
I am also having a hard time with the 'attention' I'm getting from the inlaws. My mother in law felt it necessary to tell EVERYONE she knows so when I was at a bridal shower on Sunday I felt on display and hated everyone staring at my boobs, telling me my boobs were huge and just the general pregnancy questions and advice makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel like a fraud so it just doesn't seem right.

What I'm looking forward to? Our vacation to South Beach Miami this summer! We rented a sweet condo on the beach for a week! If anyone has tips for what to see and do in SoBe let me know! And pregnancy wise, without getting too far ahead of myself I guess I am looking forward to my next OB appt on the 28th. Really I'm looking forward to my 20weeker so I can find out the sex!

Weekly Wisdom: When you least expect, people can surprise you! As I have mentioned before hubs is a MEGA TIGHT-ASS when it comes to money. He saves every penny or puts it on the mortgage. We need a new car and I was apprehensive about car shopping with him and even though I know I really want a sun roof, heated seats, leather interior and all of that jazz on our new car I didn't think he would go for it due to the extra cost! our test drive on Saturday he agreed and totally wants the "sport" version of our vehicle of choice so that we can get all of the fun stuff I want! And he even wants to add a few extra goodies to that! Yippee! We are finalizing the details tonight and should get our new Radiant Silver Hyundai Santa Fe Sport next week! Woo hoo! It will be the first car either of us has ever bought! He has been given all of his cars by his dad and I have never had a car! Very exciting!

Milestones: Telling my besties and my boss at work.

Emotions: Stress ebbs and flows. I feel great most of the time (actually "great" means totally not even pregnant) but I get tons of nervous scares ALOT! I can't wait to feel more pregnant with a real belly and kicks and all of that fun stuff!

Hope you all have a great week! I'm off to the gym and then to get my brows waxed to continue my week of luxury!


Monday, June 14, 2010

TMI Warning....

Well, we did it. Finally. We had been told by my super cautious RE not to "do it" until the end of the first trimester. Then my OB said it was ok to do it but to be gentle and watch for spotting. So, I was a bit nervous that it would cause spotting. Also I started realizing that 12 weeks isn't exactly 3 months so maybe we should wait until 13 weeks and then I realized that I turning something wonderful into something horrible. So this week at 13 weeks and 5 days we finally did it. And we were careful and it was awesome. I seriously feel sooooo much closer to hubs when we are happily doing it regularily! Things were getting pretty lame around here with zero action for 3 months! He was instantly in a super mood, and so was I! I read online that orgasms can cause contractions so I told myself I wasn't going to let myself go there. But of course, hubby knows how to push all of the right buttons and before I knew it it was too late! Amazing.
Now, the bad part is yesterday I had a dot of pink when I wiped. Hmmmm....freak out!

It was only one dot and it has not returned so for now I'm relieved but needless to say our plans for a hot sunday evening rendevous went quickly out the window.

So for now I'm happy that I know I still know how to do it! And that it still feels great! But I don't think I'm going to be any less nervous next time. Why is this so hard!!!!??? Ugh.

One thing I really do miss is carefree fun sex with my husband.

Anyways, i'm off to the gym since I have gotten my energy back! Have a great afternoon ladies!


Thursday, June 10, 2010

Dumb Ass Nurses

So the dumb nurse finally called me back this morning (I called twice yesterday before noon!!!!)
I was at work of course so she let me a snotty message saying "brown is fine" only call me back if it is red or persistent. Since it is neither red nor persistent (It is gone as of about 2pm yesterday) I guess I will just not worry about it (ha ha ha...some kind of joke right!). I sort of feel like lying and saying its red so that I can schedule an ultrasound! She said that's what they would do if it was red. Oh how I miss my RE!

Anyways, after listening to the heartbeat 3 times yesterday and not having any more spotting I do feel more relaxed today.

Another big step today to making this whole thing more "real". I had to tell my boss at work.
We are making the schedules for teaching next year and she offered me a new course to teach that I really want to try but that would mean that when my substitute comes in Dec-June they would have 3 courses to prep for rather than my current schedule of 2. I also didn't think I really need the extra stress of planning a new course in my 3rd trimester of pregnancy (crossing fingers that we get there!!!). I'm also starting a graduate Mathematics program in the fall so I would have a lot on my plate. I knew the boss would wonder why I didn't want to take her up on the offer so I just told her the situation and asked her to keep it hush hush. She was really nice and happy for me and so I felt ok telling her. I was a bit afraid she would take away all of my grade 12 courses since it will be disruptive for me to leave half way through the year but she didn't even mention that. And I personally think that would be total pregnancy - discrimination if she did it!
Anyways, that's it from me!

Have a great Thursday (wow...this week is flying by for me!)


Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Calmer and 13 weeks

How Far Along? 13 weeks

Maternity Clothes? Still not yet. I'm pretty comfy in my Lululemon pants, and 2 pairs of capris that I have that still fit

Stretch Marks? No.

Sleep? Great but waking up in the morning is so much more painful as a pregnant lady than a non-pregnant lady (although...I always HATE waking up early!)

Best Moment of the Week? My sister finding the heart with my doppler and now I totally know how and where to find it! Also it was totally awesome to tell my best friend at work. He knows that we have been trying for a long time and when I told him he was so genuinely happy for me, and he gave me the biggest hug ever! It was really sweet and unexpected.

Movement? Nada. But I can totally feel my ute now! Like when I gently press on my tummy I can feel a hard ball coming up above my pelvis. Its kinda weird!

Food Cravings? Still watermelon...I think its just the season for watermelon and not actually a pregnancy craving!!! I am kind of thinking that pregnancy cravings are a bit of b.s. Maybe during the first months some foods sound totally gross but I don't know about cravings per se. I think sometimes people just use pregnancy as a good excuse to eat things they normally wouldn't allow themselves. But hey, that's just me so far! I might change my tune if suddendly I'm dying for KFC or something! What do you guys think of cravings? Real? What do you crave?

Gender? ?

What I miss? Not being so stressed and worried all of the time.

What I'm looking forward to? The school year to end so I can quit trying to pretend I'm "not pregnant" around my co-workers. My giant boobs and thickening middle are getting harder to hide. I am just not comfortable telling most people at work yet. I am planning to tell my boss in July when school is out.

Weekly Wisdom: Just when you think you can finally breathe and all is going well....the shit will hit the fan! Don't let you guard down!

Milestones: Officially in T2. Finding the heartbeat.

Emotions: I was totally feeling real and pregnant and breathing a sigh of relief....then I got my most recent scare (brown spotting last night after a massage- see my last post). Now i'm back to being a stupid big ball of freak out stress! Thank you all for your supportive and kind comments on my last post. The stupid nurse never called me back. I hate her. I miss my RE. They were always RIGHT THERE to help anytime! And now I feel so alone! The spotting has stopped and it was really light so i'm not freaking out right now. I hope that maybe the massage I had just loosened up some old blood and that it isn't some new horrendous problem. I will call the asshole nurse at 8am to hopefully catch her before she starts seeing patients.

I'm also really excited for this weekend. I have a date with my 3 best friends from highschool (we all live in different cities now) to go to see SATC2 and dinner. I will be making my pregnancy announcement to them! They know we have been trying and i'm excited to tell them our news (as long as I still have good news to tell on this spotting is gone and nothing to worry about).

Thanks again everyone for the great comments on my last post! I love yas!


Massage and Spotting

I am hating life at the moment. So, last night I went to get a massage. I got a pre-natal massage where they have you laying on your side instead of on your tummy. Then last night (after 3 weeks of glorious blood free days!) I got brown spotting. It's still here this morning. I am so worried. Did I kill my baby by getting a massage? Am I about to end this wonderful dream? I called my OB and am waiting for the nurse to call me back. The spotting is brown and sludge-like and not very much . I have no cramps. To try to ease my mind I pulled out my little home doppler and heard the magical heart beat going at 154bpm. It was awesome. So...essentially I don't think baby is dead ....but I do think something is wrong that can lead to my poor little one leaving us! I hate this stress! So please, cross your fingers that the nurse actually calls me back before I go insane and also that this stupid brown spotting is ok.
Sorry for the downer post. I feel shit.
:( LTB

Monday, June 7, 2010

Houston...we have a heartbeat!

Yippee! On Friday I visited my sister (the doc) and brought my doppler and she immediately found the baby's heartbeat! I was so happy! And she was quite proud of herself as well! I realized that I was looking for it ALL WRONG. I was pressing WAY TOO HARD! She didn't press at all! And she found it a bit higher than I was looking. And it sounded a lot quieter and different than I was checking for. But now that I know what I'm looking for (and that I don't have to push on my tender tummy like a mad woman to find it) I found it myself last night! So fun to now be able to check up on my little one any time I want to! Because I have to say that other than my thickening middle and giant ta-tas, I don't feel pregnant at all. Not like I have any reference to what feeling pregnant should be but...I feel normal. Full of usual energy. Not extra tired. Not extra hungry. Not nauseous. My headaches are even better. Nothin'. I guess this is good as long as everything is all good inside! Anyways, I'm on the final countdown at work. 3 weeks left (I have to say I'm super jealous of the teachers in the US who I follow that all seem to be done teaching now....I don't get it? When do you start back in the fall? We start back after Labour day so I don't know if that is later than you but I might have to look into moving to the states after hearing about this early finish for summer break!!!)
Ciao for now!!


Tuesday, June 1, 2010

12 weeker

How Far Along? 12 weeks

Maternity Clothes? Nope. Just my old "tight" clothes, lululemon pants (these are my saviours!) and my one size bigger pants. Maternity clothes seem a long way off at this point.

Stretch Marks? No.

Sleep? Good! Not as many pee breaks anymore!

Best Moment of the Week? First OB appt yesterday! And NT scan! My OB was awesome. He is a super nice young gay guy and he is super flamboyant but down to earth and totally made me feel sooooo comfortable. He was recommended to me by a few people and I totally see why! They didn't do much at the appt, just asked a ton of questions and gave me an info package and answered my 10 trillion questions. Then they sent me to ultrasound for my NT scan and then to blood to get the corresponding blood work for the NT screening. I asked them to show me how to use my doppler but they said it was too early to bother with it so just to bring it to my next appt in 4 weeks and they will for sure show me where to find it! Also got the go ahead to STOP THE PROGESTERONE SUPPOSITORIES!!!! However, I'm just so scared to stop them so I am going to keep taking one at night for another couple weeks (just so I psychologically feel ok about it! ) I also got the ok for I'm nervous. I know I'm being silly but I'm scared I will bleed when we do it and then I will freak out again. Ugh....
At the NT scan the ultrasound was ON TOP of my belly ! OMG! So happy not to be wanded! And our little baby was jumping around, yawning, sucking his thumb and looking like an actual BABY! The NT measurement was great. Apparently less than 3mm is good, ours was 0.9mm! Of course we have to wait for the blood work to find out our risk of downs syndrome and other trisomies but that measurement is a great start! All in all yesterday was a GREAT day!

Movement? Nada.

Food Cravings? Watermelon! We ate a whole big one just the 2 of us (mostly me!) over the weekend!

Gender? ?

What I miss? Really gross but I have to admit it....I quit smoking cold turkey a year and 8 months ago when I stopped bcp. Now that I'm actually pregnant and I know I CAN'T have a cigarette, I have been craving one! I know I wouldn't have one even if I wasn't pregnant but I think just the fact that I totally CAN'T have one is making me want one more! Plus the patio season is terrible for ex-smokers!

What I'm looking forward to? I don't know! I guess my 20 week u/s (a long way off!!!) to find out the sex!!!

Weekly Wisdom: I got nothin'

Milestones: 12 weeks! End of T1!!!!

Emotions: More relaxed...for now! Oh and this is not an emotion but since being pregnant I am getting a headache EVERY day! And I NEVER usually get headaches! I hate it! I asked about it and he said its normal....and he said I can take Tylenol, but i'm trying to only use that as a last resort!

I feel really lame b/c I have only been posting my weekly updates and haven't been commenting much this week! I have been super busy but now I vow to get back to commenting and supporting all of my lovely bloggie buds!

Oh and one more thing (and an embarrassing one...) Does anyone who has been or is pregnant know what is up with the shooting pains I have been getting occasionally in my vagina? My sister (the doc) says lots of her patients complain of it but I still don't get it. Anyone have any experience with this? Round ligament pain? It's weird.

Gotta get back to work! Enjoy your days! And its already Tuesday!!!!