Saturday, January 30, 2010

Yippee! I am officially a real blogger!!! I got an award! Thank you Basic Girl for the nomination!!!

So the rules of this award are as follows:

  • Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
  • Copy the award and place it in your blog.
  • Link the person who nominated you for this award.
  • Tell us 7 interesting things about you.
  • Nominate 7 bloggers.
  • Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate.

I would like to nominate the following bloggers who I read religiously !

(sorry to anyone who is getting this for the second are just such a beautiful blogger!!!)

Shanny at I did, I do , I will

Al at Mission Motherhood

Stef at Baby Blakely

Melissa's Life as she knows it

Baby Hungry

Sassy IF Lady

Jessica at Dreams of a Baby

7 Interesting Things About Me:

1. I met my husband in a second year Advanced Calculus class (we were the only non-total-nerds in the class!)

2. I am obsessed with Chihuahuas (especially my baby Cosmo!)

3. I started smoking cigarettes when I was 23 (late bloomer???) and I quit cold turkey 1 year and 5 months ago, the same day I went off the BCP. Hubby does not smoke.

4. I love to cook for dinner parties and other people, hate to cook for myself.

5. I put ketchup on everything.

6. I have 3 tattoos: a circle of friends on my lower back, a pieces symbol on my foot and my husband and I each got an infinity symbol tattoo on our hips after we got married.

7. The person I most admire in my life is my dad. I'm really sentimental about him and think he is the BEST! He is a math professor and actually taught me an analysis course in university!

So there you have it! Interesting huh?! ha ha!


This weekend was BORING! I had a good night on Friday while hubs was away, I watched Did you Hear about the Morgan's (SJP and Hugh Grant...LOVE HIM!) online while cuddling in bed with Cosmo. Today hubs and Cosmo and I went for a 2 hour walk in the freezing cold! It was great to get out but it was coooooollllldddd! Looking forward to getting our new granite countertops installed this week! Enjoy the grammy's if you are watching!

:) LTB

Friday, January 29, 2010

What do you do?

Hello hello! Not too much excitement on my end. Symptoms aren't too bad. I'm very relieved about that! I definitely hyperstimulated last cycle, that must have been what made me so SICK! Doing the BD this week has actually been fun, last time it was painful and miserable. This is obviously a big relief for me and hubby! We think we got some "good ones" in this week!
So, what I want to know is what do you girlies do when you have NOTHING TO DO? Tonight my hubby is going to a bachelor party out of town, and I have no girl friends around to hang out with...what should I do? I slept in today so i'm not that tired even! If I was tired I would be happy to just relax on the couch and sleep but I feel up to doing something! Any ideas? I live in Toronto which is a HUGE city so I should be able to find something to occupy me! But of course, i'm drawing a blank. Any ideas?? Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

The Pregnancy Tease!

Bloated. Tired. Nauseous. Really sore nipples. These are all of the side effects I am experiencing (oh and also creamy gunk dripping from my private parts!)from the lovely progesterone suppositories! Isn't this the glory I'm not supposed to have to experience until I'm actually preggers! Progesterone is just an evil pregnancy tease!
Only 13 days until beta. Gonna be a long 13 days!!!!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The best days...

Here are some of my fav places and things...

Jamaica...with Twilight

Super fun night before my wedding with my sisters and my them soooo much!
(I'm the 2nd from the right)

Halloween!!! Last year's costume...Pebbles and Bam Bam!!

My girls....friends for life (me, E, A and S...friends since grade 6!)

2nd trip to the sunset!

The day I got my baby...he's just so cute and makes me smile everyday!

This pic is too small but it is my other baby that now lives with my mom...Odie!

Another Jamaica plug....and my love (just like Basic Girl!) Edward Cullen!

March 8, 2008....Happiest day EVER!

Bachelorette party (getting a little crazy!) My sisters had the best night planned for me!

These are the things I think about when i'm feeling BLAH about all of the other bullsh*#! that clutters my mind!

On the TTC front:

Popped my first progesterone suppository this morning....gross. Feeling ok though so far!

:) LTB

Monday, January 25, 2010


It's done! I just triggered (in the bathroom at work...weird!) What does this mean?
Don't call me tonight, tomorrow night, Thursday night, Saturday night or Monday night! There will be too much baby dancing going on! Woo hoo!
Now i'm just hoping I don't get all pukey and nauseus like last time I triggered (hoping that was the flu and not the ovidrel)!
Next Monday is my progesterone blood work and the following Monday is the beta. Wish me luck!

Ready to GET BUSY!!!

This cycle has been a ROLLER COASTER since the beginning! At first I didn't even think I was going to be able to start the cycle since my period was all messed up, then my follies were sooooo slow, thought I was going to be cancelled! Plus, me and hubby were FIGHTING ....made for a miserable few weeks! But i'm happy to report that my follies are growing and i'm going to trigger either tonight or tomorrow (just waiting for blood work to come back) and hubby and I are back in love....! So I am ready to get it on ASAP! I had baby fever all weekend. My best friend and her adorable one year old came to visit me and that always makes me baby crazy! I think her and her husband are even going to start trying for a second soon. I also found out another one of my good friends who is not even married (just living with her b.f. ) is "NOT NOT TRYING" she's trying. Not that I'm old fashioned but I still feel like marriage comes before kids so I was not expecting this from her! Now I feel like i'm in a competition to "beat her" to it! ha ha! Sad, but true! Even hubby has started to feel the burn of baby fever! He was out this weekend with the guys and he came home and told me it was "kind of annoying" because pretty much everyone's wife was pregnant! He mentioned that he wasn't drinking b/c we are TTC and they all (being jerky guys) were telling him it didn't matter and that they got pregnant when they were drunk or when their wives were drunk and not even trying. I think they just wanted to convince my hubs to drink but instead it made him feel bad that we are having trouble. This is the first time he has ever mentioned being disturbed by our IF or feeling pressure to get this baby show on the road. I feel sad that he felt this but kind of glad that he got a reality check and is more on the same page as me. That's all that's new with me, just waiting to hear from the RE to find out when its trigger time!!!
:) LTB

Thursday, January 21, 2010


Hubby did not approve of my last post...thus it is deleted.
Guess this place isn't a "free for all" blab spot afterall.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Slow and Steady

It has been 4 days of injections and I went to my monitoring appt today and my follies were very small. :(
Last time when I took double the meds they were HUGE at this point...but I know that they grew too fast last time and caused my over stim. cycle. Anyways, since we all want to see BIG FAT FOLLIES I was a little worried and sad that they weren't very sizeable yet. But the doc told me to increase my drugs to 2 viles of Menopur a day (this is what they started me on last time) and go back for another US on Tuesday morning. So far no side effects from the injections. Feeling fine.
Boring weekend actually, we are looking to renovate our kitchen so we've been scoping out Ikea and a bunch of kitchen showrooms and granite stores to get ideas and prices.
Weekend Highlight: Gerard Butler in The Ugly Truth...totally cute funny movie...totally hot guy.
Sorry so boooorrrriiiinnnnggg!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Oh Canada

One major crappy thing about Canada: winter. it is looooonnnnnggggg and it suuuuuccccckkkks!

One major awesome thing about Canada: HEALTH CARE!!!

Since I started reading blogs I have grown to appreciate the health care we have here in Canada. Every procedure I have had done so far (every ultrasound, all my monitoring appts, HSG ) are all covered by our provincial health insurance. I don't even think twice about scheduling procedures! The only thing that is not covered by the free provincial health program is the drugs, and those are covered 90% by my employer. I was freaking a bit the first time I had to pay $70 out of pocket for one week of injectibles (yes...they cost $700!!!), but now I realize that I have it pretty good compared to a lot of people! Of course, IVF is a whole different story, if I have to go that route it is not covered by either the health care system or my work health insurance. So, if it comes to that we'll really have to start saving our pennies! Fingers crossed we can renovate our kitchen and bathrooms or buy a new car instead of our first child!!!! Go injectibles Go!!

Nosey or Nice???

Sometimes I am so torn with my feelings towards people. Since I'm 30, recently married (almost 2 years ago actually), and have expressed an interest in having a family, basically everyone gets the idea that I'm likely trying to get preg. Now this is fine, I'm not that secretive of a person but I also haven't solicited advice from people and I don't really know if I even appreciate it. So, on Wednesday a co-worker emailed me a link to a website indicating a bunch of great stuff to eat to help with fertility. Is this nosey or nice? I don't really talk to this lady very often and I just felt annoyed at her, even though she may have just been trying to be nice. But, HELLOOOO..... do you think that I haven't already researched EVERYTHING to help with fertility?!!! How do you all feel about getting unsolicited advice and tips?
There are also a few people that I told I was doing fertility treatments and now they have gotten into the habit of asking me EVERY month..."so are you trying this month?" or "are you preggers yet?" or even telling me that they have been checking out my tummy to see if they can detect any pregnancy bloat! This makes me super paranoid about my "fertility-treatment-induced-bloat" (I look pregnant when I'm on these drugs!) and my sometimes I "ate-too-many-doritos-before-bed" bloat! Stop staring! Also, are they asking because they "care" (ya...right) or because they need something to add to the office gossip pool? Being the pessimist I am, I think these folks are actually NOSEY and NOT NICE.
Now I wish I had kept my big mouth shut, but of course I was naive at first and thought I would get preggers on the first try. Ahhhh...would've been nice!
To resolve this issue I have told people at work that we are not trying until atleast the summer since we are really busy with "other stuff". Hopefully this will shut them up and let me enjoy my dorito/fertility bloat in peace!
Ciao for now! LTB

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Feeling like a druggie again!

And so the "shooting up" begins! Yesterday's appt at the RE went surprisingly AWESOME! Apparently all my "stuff" looks good, including blood work (looks day 3ish..) so I was given the ok to start menopur shots again! This time they have cut the amount I inject in half since last time there was some mega over stim. This is good for the bank account as well! Can you believe a week of menopur injections costs $700!!!! Luckily my insurance covers 90% (up to a max of $12 000 we better get this show on the road!!!). Anyways, the shots sting but are not too bad. I go back on Sunday for a monitoring appt and then probably a few times next week and then its time to do the BD!!! Unfortunately timing is looking terrible for the BD! We might be at my parent's house....totally awkward...but maybe it will make it fun to sneak around (like the old days!!!).

Cosmo Update: Just call him Cone Head!

He's fine, was jumping and back to normal pretty much immediately. Although not a fan of the cone! (We only put it on when we leave him alone!)


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Cosmo is Infertile

My poor little guy (chihuahua Cosmo) has been permanently made infertile. Neutered. Poor little guy, I felt like a terrible mom dropping him off at the vet today! I hope he is not too sore when we pick him up tonight!

As for me, I am most likely being made officially infertile for yet another month. BCP. Awaiting my appt tomorrow to confirm but that is what I'm expecting. I don't know what has gotten into me lately, normally I love my job and look forward to coming to work but lately I have been BORED stiff! I am a high school math teacher so I'm not really allowed to just sit back and slack...although I do that at all possible opportunities! Bring on the tests, quizzes and quiet seat work! Its not that I have anything better to do while at work but I just have no patience to deal with all of the dumb questions that get asked of me! I don't know why I'm so bitchy and lazy but I can't seem to snap out of it! Maybe if the weather wasn't -15 degrees celcius every morning when I get up to go to work I would be more excited to go! I really hate winter. A LOT. Well, this was a pretty boring post but I will update tomorrow with the official word on the BCP and sitting out another month.
:) LTB

Monday, January 11, 2010

TTC and BCP???

So, I had a mini-break down yesterday. I was put on BCP for the past 2 months due to some leftover follicles/cysts from my overstimulated cycle in November. Ok, that sucks but fine. However, during both of my months on BCP I had breakthrough bleeding while still taking the pills. This month I had it during the 3rd week of the pills, and then when I was done the pills and supposed to be getting my period I didn't bleed! So now today I was expecting to be on day 3, going for US and blood and gearing up for more injections, but instead I'm probably being put on another month of BCP! WTF!? I'm not getting any younger (in fact I'm having a REALLY hard time dealing with being 30...I hate it. I feel like time is running out for so many of my goals -mainly to have a BIG family!).

Also had a "wonderful" time (NOT!) at my MIL's house yesterday, SIL is pregnant and all anyone can do there is criticize her for getting too mean! and atleast she can get pregnant! Also, everyone is asking when i'm going to get pregnant and talking about how "cute" i'll look with my "little basketball belly". I just smile and nod and then end up taking it out on my poor hubby later. I've tried telling them that we're just letting SIL enjoy her pregnancy before we even try...but they don't seem to fully get it. All around bad weekend.

But on a good note, the itching seems to be going away (but I don't want to jinx it!)

But to cheer myself up I have been looking at my pics from my trip to Italy this summer. I LOVE Italy...the culture, the beach, the water, the food, it is the BEST!

Friday, January 8, 2010


My husband and I sure make a great pair...we are currently both FREAKING out about our impending doom. You would think we are both on our death beds. Today my husband found a cyst on his tailbone and has been googling it ever since is the devil. For me, my problem is itchiness. Horrendous, inexplicable itchiness! We went to Jamaica over the holidays and since we got back my feet and hands and calves and forearms have been outrageously itchy! But I have no rash. I'm really freaking out since it is even starting to wake me up at night! I went to the doctor this week but they did nothing except give me some cream that doesn't help and take some blood. I called my home phone to check for messages from the doctor like 50 times from work today. I'm just waiting for them to call and tell me they found something terrible on my blood work. According to google , aka the devil, itchiness with no rash can be anything from dry skin (this seems way more itchy than normal dry skin!) to liver failure, to thyroid problems to lymphoma. I of course am now convinced I have cancer. Cosmo (the pup) and I are going to go join my husband in bed so we can all pout together. 10pm on a Friday night, pouting on our death'd think we were 80 years old.
:( Hopefully a good sleep will do us both well.

Some Pics of my baby!

Apology sorry my previous post was soooooooooooooooooo long! I think I got carried away! I'm not going to be making any new friends by talking everyone's ear off! please excuse my poor blog ettiquette and keep reading!!!!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

New Friends Already!

Wow, I am so grateful and totally amazed that I already got 4 wonderful comments from some of my favorite bloggers! Thanks gals! So I haven't figured out how to put up a timeline of my TTC journey yet, but if anyone can tell me (i'm totally un-techie and this blog thing is pushing my technology limits!) I'd be really grateful! But in a nutshell here's my story:

Sept 2008 - go off the BCP after 12 years!
I initially went on the pill because when I was 17 I was doing ALOT of running (and to be honest not enough eating) and my period was MIA. My doc at the time put me on BCP and then I just stayed on it since it started coming in handy for "other reasons' as I got to university!

Jan 2009- still no period...wondering if body fat level is too low? did the pill screw everything up? start to worry about IF.

March 2009 - talk to my family doctor about the lack of periods. She sends for some tests and everything looks fine in terms of blood. She does a progesterone challenge to bring on my period. However, it doesn't bring on my period! ok, now i'm freaking out a bit. She refers me to a gynecologist who works out a clinic at the hospital. I get an appointment to see him in May (when i complained about the 5 week long wait to get an appt they basically laughed in my face and told me I was lucky to get an appt in less than 3 months!)...okay...

May 2009: So I see the gyne, he basically doesn't care that I want to get preg but is on a mission to find out why I am not getting my period. He does and estrogen/progesterone challenge to bring on my period...i get a TINY bit of spotting. But apparently that's enough to "pass" that test.

June 20009 Then he schedules me for a sonohysterogram and transvag ultrasound (ie. dildo cam). All's fine with the dildo cam but then the sono was soooooo incredibly agonizing that they couldn't even do it! I was in so much pain I could not breathe as soon as they tried to inflate my uterus to shoot the saline inside.

July 2009- Go on amazing 3 week vacation through Italy with my sexy bear (my hubby). We blissfully think we are going to conceive our little bambino/a in picturesque Italia! Didn't happen.

August 2009-Gyne suggests we do a laproscopy since the sono showed nothing. I get freaked out. Seems like a drastic move when we haven' teven tried any drugs yet (but then again this gyne doesn't care about me getting preggers -in fact he keeps telling me everytime i see him that I should be using BC if I'm not ready for pregnancy....HELLO! do you think I would care about not getting a period except if I wanted to get pregnant! Dolt. His first opening for a lap surgery is in October but I decide to schedule it in December to give myself time to think and see what else happens.

Sept 2009-I start looking in to private fertility clinics and finally find one that appeals to me. I send in the requires forms, get my info sent from my GP and the gyne and am amazed that they call me personally at home in a few days and set up a free consultation for the next week.

Early Oct 2009- I meet the doctor at the clinic, he is very experienced, I trust him. He suggests we do an few injectible cycles because he thinks my hypothalamus is not doing a good job at signalling my ovaries to do their thing. I'm all for it especially when i find out the monitoring appointments and all the blood work are all covered by OHIP! Yippee for Canadian Health Care! However, when we go to start the drugs I realize my drug plan at work is not as great as I thought . They cover 90% of the cost of IF drugs up to a lifetime max of $12 000. sounds like a lot ...but when I saw the first cost for my IF drugs (Menopur, ovidrel and progesterone suppositories) came to $1000 I realized that if I do this for a year, then that fund is all used up! More pressure and stress added to this whole situation! I start having a million thoughts, like what if it takes more than a year of trying for us to get preg , I want 4 kids...that clearly seems like an impossibility at this point and financially not going to happen if we keep needing drugs! And I'm friggin' old! All of these thoughts make my first medicated cycle horrible.
My sexy bear had the job of stabbing me in the stomach twice a day, I had the pleasure of getting up at 5am every few days to go to my vag cam appt. , then the ovidrel trigger shot made me feel so pukey that doing the necessary deed was NO FUN at all! It basically became, ok, assume the doggy style position (heard this is the best), go honey go! Get this over with! and then of course I lay on the bed in a headstand feeling totally unsatisfied (sexually atleast) , feeling totally pukey but with my my hips up I feel like i'm giving the boys the best chance they can get at reaching miss eggy.
After a pukey feeling, bloated (progesterone suppositories), HUGE boob (the bear loved these, but i found they just got in the way and made exercise -in fact even just walking down stairs-painful! ) filled 2WW I got the ugly BFN. Sad but glad to stop the progesterone suppositories and looking forward to losing the bloat that I gained for no reason since i'm not preg.

Ready to start cycle 2 (even though in cycle 1 I swore I didn't care if we ever had kids b/c I couldn't bear the side effects of all the medications!)

On my CD3 appt to start cycle 2 injectibles I find out I have way too many large follicles left on my ovaries. Apparently, I responded a little too well to the medications. In other words they over medicated me and caused my ovaries to hyperstimulate (this can explain all of the terrible sick feelings I was having when I ovulated and during the 2ww). So, I'm stuck on BCP again to wait for the stupid cysts to disappear! And to top it all off I have to do BCP for 2 months instead of just one since the clinic is closed over Christmas. Frustrated but at the same time excited for 2 months of fun sex!

Dec 2009- Sexy Bear (hubby) takes me to Jamaica from the 26 th to Jan 1. We decided this was a good time since we are "on a break" from all the vag cam appts! plus the weather here in Canada totally sucks! oh...and I cancelled my lap surgery. Not ready for that now.

Jan 2010- Getting sad....everyone is preg. I'm not. Waiting for Aunt Flow since I just finished my last pill for the month. Then i'm off on CD3 for my vag cam appt and blood work and hopefully a plan for injectibles (and hopefullly a lower dose!!!).

So that's the scoop. I'm really nervous about doing another injectible cycle, i'm stressed that I will have brutal side effects again, i'm stressed that I will have to get up at 5am to make it to the clinic (which is half an hour away and half an hour from my work as well) by 6:45 am...and its super stressful b/c i'm a teacher and have to be at work at 8:20am and if i'm not the first one in when the cliinic opens then I will for sure be late which is not cool at all !!! I also am most nervous that this cycle won't work, and the next cycle won't work, and then we'll try IUI and that won't work, and then IVF...and i'm just starting to catastrophise and I'm already thinking about adoption. maybe getting a bit ahead of myself but I can't help but be FREAKED out!
final thought...why did I take BCP for 12 friggin' years to prevent getting pregnant!? Clearly I was not one who needed any BC!
Alright i'm off to bed...well, i'm actually already in bed curled up with my super cute puppy Cosmo , but now i'm going to sleep
:) ciao!

September 2

First Entry

I have been reading blogs for months (ever since I started TTC and became obsessed with everything TTC!) I never really had a clue that this huge blogging world existed until I came across Kate at This Place is Now a Home and from there it all began. I feel kind of weird writing on here, like why on earth would anyone want to read about my nonsense...but I thought i'd give it a go because even if no one reads it I can still have a place to vent. I am starting my second round of injectables in a week or two. I had to take the BCP for 2 months due to cysts that grew in my last injectable cycle. Apparently, I responded VERY well to the injections. Hopefully next cycle they will reduce the dose since I was feeling a ton of side effects as well! I have been really really sad lately, it seems like EVERYONE I know in real life (and those who I stalk on the blogs!) is pregnant. And I mean EVERYONE! Some of my friends are preggers with no. 2 already! I'm also 30 years old and feel like my time is running out! Anyways, that's my first post. I'm here and we'll see how it goes!