And so it begins....

The dreaded 2ww. I'm here. I'm waiting. But this month instead of being anxious and annoyed and convincing myself i'm not preg so not to get hopeful, I have decided to pretend for 2 weeks that I am pregnant. I am going to enjoy it. I am talking to hubs about names and about twins and sex preference and all that fun stuff. I'm talking about what kind of new car we will get when we have this baby, I'm letting hubs spoil me, because afterall...i'm pregnant.
I just decided that I have this 2 week window where the bliss of ignorance can allow me to be happy. Whether I waste this two weeks fretting and being anxious and not letting myself get hopeful or excited and hopeful and "pregnant" , the result of my beta will be the same. Remember, there is no such thing as jinxing it! I might as well enjoy the time where I have not been proven not-pregnant. So far, I like being pregnant.

I started the progesterone suppositories today. Well, pregnant or not...those suck. And today I woke up with an itchy red blotcy rash on my inner thighs, chest and stomach....? For now I guess I will chop that one up to being pregnant (see its fun being pregnant! Now I don't even need to google "red itchy rash on inner thighs and chest" and find out I really have HIV or Lupus or Lymphoma !)

Ahhhhh.....its a good day. I'm feeling betterish from my "flu" (side effects? ) and I'm back at work after being off 2 days. Work is so much better when you only do it 2 days a week!

:)LTB

P.S. Glad you all liked the Masturbatorium!!! I died laughing when hubs came out with the pictures! He's a goof!

Memories from a Masturbatorium

Welcome to the Masturbatorium.......

Thanks for the memories Hubs

:) heee hheee

7+90 000 000+1.2+1=?

7 mature eggs, 90 000 000 motile sperm, 1.2cm of fluffy endometrium lining and one iui.....oh the possibilities!

Even though this cycle (which we still have one more iui for tomorrow morning) looks completely wonderful and hopeful I'm still scared....

Worst case scenario 1 : LTB becomes the next Octomom

Worst case scenario 2: BFN

Not sure which one is worse or scarier! I'm praying for one perfect singleton or perfect twins...that's it!

Everything went so well today! Hubs had an excellent sample and the procedure didn't hurt at all! I took the day off because i'm feeling so sick and pukey so it was good not to have to rush and to just come home and relax with Cosmo. We cuddled all morning and just went to the park for a little play time. It is soooo beautiful here in Toronto today! However, the cold is apparently going to return on Friday when it is going to be at freezing again. Ugh.

I thought I was feeling a bit better this morning but apparently not. My head is in a fog and I feel really gross. I'm hoping its the hormones that are making me sick because otherwise my mind always goes into hyperchondriac-mode and I start thinking in extremes. I honestly make myself sicker worrying about what is making me sick! I swear I have beat cancer 10 or 20 times already in my life. My doctor must think i'm a nut case. oh well....i guess I am.

Anyways, wish me luck tomorrow that things go as well as they did today!

:)LTB

Pukey

That's how I feel. Pukey. I am once again borderline hyperstimulation. I have really high estrogen levels and lots of follicles! Good and bad new. Good and scary news is that I have 7 follicles ready to ovulate. Scary part is possibility of being the next octomom! We decided to take the risk of me getting pukier over the next while and go ahead with the trigger shot. The doc seems fine with this. So, I took my ovidrel today and hubs and i go for iui tomorrow at 7:30am and Thursday at 7:30am. I honestly feel like death though. I am in a total fog. I have no appetite, feel dizzy and nauseated, plus I have a cold. I am on a regimen to prevent/help OHSS, drink tons of gatorade (gross!), V8, and Ensure. None of which I'm very fond of. Also no coffee...which I am VERY fond of! Oh well, for the best I guess since I will be off that if I do get preggers this month. Please wish me luck tomorrow. I am praying the IUI will be NOTHING like the HSG! I don't need more pain! I'm also taking tomorrow off work since I can hardly stand up straight without feeling pukey! Also please pray that I don't get any sicker due to the ovidrel trigger!
LTB

Lonely

I feel lonely today. I feel sad. Not sure if its because my break is done and I'm dreading going back to work but I feel crappy. I feel fluish...(due to high doses of menopur????), dizzy, lethargic. All my siblings are getting together tonight and hubs and I can't go b/c we already invited a guy from his work over for dinner. I hate missing out on family fun. :(
Sometimes I get this totally anxious, lonely, hubs-can't-fix-it feeling and I dont' know how to fix it. Maybe go for a walk? ugh. I also feel like a semi-loser. I keep checking back to my blog site to see if anyone has updated. Then when I see they haven't I feel like a loser to be waiting to hear from someone! Am I just bored? have no life? loser?
anyways, cosmo and i are having a love fest on the couch right now...that should cheer me up a bit? No?
:)LTB

Alive and Well...

Cosmo is BACK IN BUSINESS! He stayed in hospital for a day on IV but came out just as hyper and adorable and happy as ever. Such a relief to have my fur-baby back. It was a terrible stress to see him suffering and think about him alone at the animal hospital! And the bill was huge but well worth it when I consider what might have happened if I did not bring him in! I love my little guy!

I am feeling pretty good today, my ultrasound today showed that I have 4 follies at 11mm on my left ovary and 3 follies at 11 mm on my right ovary. Considering my right tube is probably busted, that gives me 4 good follies that will hopefully keep growing until my ultrasound on Monday. Meds are staying the same from now until then. I am thinking we will probably be triggering on Tuesday and inseminating on Wed and Thurs. Kind of scary! I am already dreading the 2ww....I hate the progesterone side effects! I get soooo bloated and TIRED! I'm also dreading Monday in general. Monday I have to go back to work after 2 glorious weeks off for March break. It really sucks. It especially sucks b/c I have to start the day super early with an appt with the vag cam before work! Then I have "math clinic" (I teach math) after school until 5:30. Long and busy day. Ugh. I am going to treasure these last 2 days of sleeping in BIG TIME! Getting up in the morning is what I hate the most about working, actually it might be the only thing I hate about working! I actually like my job most of the time.
So here's me on March break:

And here's me on Monday morning:

Cheers to a good weekend!

:)LTB

EEEK!!!

I have been MIA for a week with really no excuse. I started my Menopur shots on Thursday and since they doubled my dose from last time I was a bit nervous that I wasn't going in for a monitoring ultrasound until Tuesday (day 8) and normally I go on day 7. I was afraid of overstimulation. Well, i spent the weekend worrying for NOTHING...or atleast about the WRONG THING! I went on Tuesday morning and I had NOTHING HAPPENING. WTF!? How could I hyperstim on this dose a few months ago and now I have NOTHING going on?!! The doc upped my dose of injects and i go back friday to see if we are making progress or if i'm cancelled. Iam pissed. I am pissed b/c I am soon going to be running out of insurance money to pay for my drugs and they are freakin' expensive and I am scared to even think about how my hubby will react when we want to keep doing treatments adn we are no longer covered. Money is always such a touchy subject for him, its annoying b/c he makes lots of it and I make a decent salary as a teacher but he doesn't want to spend anything! So tight! ANNOYING! So, needless to say I'm nervous for Friday's appt. I'm not very hopeful b/c I just dont' FEEL like there is anything going on down there. I just hate not understanding what the hell is going on with my body!

On another shitty note, my puppy got poisoned by a ton of chocolate today! He is at the emergency vet overnight right now. We had a huge bag (500g) of Mini Eggs and he ate half of it! His stomach was soooooo big and bloated and he started acting weird and then I found the bag! In case you don't have a dog...chocolate is serious poison to dogs. Especially 5 pound adorable chihuahuas! so I had to rush him to the vet and they made him puke and fed him charcoal or something to absorb the poison and he has to stay on IV and for observation tonight. And get this....it cost over $850!!!!! I haven't even told my hubs yet but what the heck was I supposed to do! Obviously I was going to pay it and help my baby! Hubs didn't come to the vet with me b/c he had to go to bed since he works tomorrow and i'm off for march break. So now, IUI might be out for this cycle if hubby gets ultra cheapo on me over this vet bill!

When it rains it pours!....(however, the weather here is delightful this week! )
LTB

Day 3 and Other Stuff

Day 3
I went to my day 3 monitoring appt yesterday and I was not sure what to expect. With the quantity (5) and size (3cm) of my cysts last month I didnt' know if they would be gone. I got there at 6:50am and was the first one in. Turned out I still had 2 small cysts on my right ovary. But we had to wait for blood work to see if they were estrogen producing or not. If they were not then I was instructed to go ahead with the menopur. Two hours later I got the call...WE'RE IN! They are friendly cysts I guess! Now, the first cycle I took injects I started with 2 viles of menopur right away and then had to back off because I got hyperstimulated. Then last cycle I started with one vile, had slow response, had to increase to two viles, then to 3 viles! Now this cycle they have me starting at 2 viles again. I'm kind of confused and just amazed at what a puzzle our bodies are. I'm also a bit concerned b/c the last 2 cycles i've been going to monitoring on day 7 and this time they don't want to see me till day 8. This scares me b/c what if i'm hyperstimulating again! ahhhh!!!! I dont' know. I might call them on the weekend and ask if day 8 is when I should go or if I can come on day 7. I used to get so freaked about doing injects but now i swear i can do them in my sleep! so weird.

Other stuff:
Well, today I had a day of beauty! I went to get my hair hilighted, my toes painted and a spray tan (please pray I don't turn orange!) I have a weddign tomorrow (you might remember this dress I bought from a few posts ago...its pink and super cute!). I also made an appt to get my makeup done tomorrow (I don't own any make up and I feel like treating myself ...actually hubs is treating me since he's in the wedding party and i have a few hours to kill on my own between the ceremony and the reception so he's sending me to the spa! Not a bad deal!)
I think i'm going to get pregnant this month. IUI is gonna work! Fuck it...I'm hopeful and I don't believe in "jinxing" it!
LTB

Flow Away

BCPs DONE!!! AUNT FLOW...IN FULL EFFECT! CD3 will be Thursday! Back in the game!!!!
Added Bonus: I'm on March Break! Which means...sleeping in till 10, lots of walks with Cosmo, playing with my new Crockpot, woo hoo!
Other exciting news...yesterday was my 2 year anniversary!Here are a few pics from the BIG DAY!

This one is from the night before the wedding, me and my 2 younger sisters

Here's us during the ceremony

This is us doing our first dance to Hungry Eyes from Dirty Dancing (we took lessons!)

And some pics with the cake

It really was the happiest day of my life!

Hubs and I went out to an awesome Italian restaurant on Friday to celebrate. Yesterday we swapped cotton gifts (second anniversaries apparently call for cotton presents??), I got a robe, he got fancy undies. We also enjoyed a spaghetti dinner with homemade sauce and meatballs from the crockpot! Awesome day. Plus the weather was freakin' amazing! It was 12 degrees (celsius..sorry american friends...not sure of the conversion off hand!) and totally sunny! Today is more of the same! LOVE IT! And I'm not the only one who loves it....

So, i'm super happy to be flowing right now and going to my CD3 appt on Thurs. Please please please cross your fingers for me that my mighty cysts are GONZO!
I think I'm officically de-funkified for now...sorry for my last totally miserable post!
We'll see how the funkification is tomorrow...its my birthday. NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT AT ALL.
More on that later.
See yas! I gotta get outside and soak up the sun!
LTB

Funk

I'm in a funk. The sunny weather isn't helping it, my cute puppy isn't fixing it, nothing seems to be making me happy right now. I'm dreading finishing my last week of BCP b/c I know i'm going to go back to the doc and still have a friggin' cyst waiting for me. I bought a super hot dress to wear to a friend's wedding in 2 weeks but i feel like returning it and saving the money towards our impending doom of IVF which we will never be able to afford (well we could afford it but my super cheap husband will likely never agree to it). I don't even feel like getting dressed up for the wedding and I feel far from hot enough to even put on such a sweet dress. My dog is acting out. He is tearing up anything he can get his paws on while we are at work. Not furniture (thank goodness) but his puppy training pads, papers, kleenex, toilet paper. It is really freakin' annoying and weird because he only started doing this a few weeks ago. My hubs is fine, but just fine. It's our anniversary coming up and neither one of us has brought up if we are going to do anything. I don't even care. My birthday is next week. Sucks. I am now officially in my 30's. Being just 30 sucked but 31...ugh...its disgusting. I'm super annoyed at work. I can't stand my boss and don't feel like i'm doing a good job. Plus, I have to see Fertile Myrtle everyday! I don't even know what I want right now. I'm just in a funk. Actually, I know exactly what I want...duh!

well, i'm off to walk this little rascal. Atleast its not snowing.

:)LTB