GO CANADA!

What a proud day for Canada! What an amazing thing to see all of the country watching and cheering on our hockey team! Every pub and sports bar was packed! One big party! Sorry US friends...but we kick butt in hockey (at least today we did!)!

Hope the closing ceremonies are great tonight.

:)LTB

My friend Myrtle

A good friend of mine at work...let's call her Myrtle...since she is uber-fertile! and its making me sick! She is 37, 3 years ago she got pregnant with twins by just "doin' it" on day 10-day 14 of her uber-regular schedule. Her twins are so cute and amazing! I have been confiding in Myrtle about our IF struggles for the past year. She has talked about maybe having another baby but they were always back and forth because the twins are so much work! Well, last cycle they had a "good day" with the twins on day 15 of her cycle so they decided to "do it" and see what happens. Well, it happened. Myrtle missed her period last month and just knew she was preg. She didn't even buy a test! What! She didn't even bother to POAS b/c she just "knew" . So she scheduled an ultrasound this week (3 weeks after missing her period) and of course she is pregnant again. And she is freaking that it might be twins again! WTF! Seriously, WTF! She has even said that she is contemplating (although I'm sure she is not serious) aborting if it is twins again! I told her she can just give one to me! Now, i'm totally happy for Myrtle, like I am genuinely happy and excited to watch her go through all of the stages of pregnancy.

what I don't understand is how non-chalant she is being about all of this! I mean: not testing! threatening abortion! and she went out and drank beer last night because she knew others would "catch on" if she refused a drink! ? Last weekend she drank wine at her mom's house b/c she didn't want them to catch on! I know that one or two drinks here and there aren't going to harm the baby but I still find it quite irresponsible! crazy in fact! I mean if I was blessed with a little bundle of joy in my tummy I would basically be living in a bubble! being soooooooo careful about everything!

It's weird I guess to just see how Fertile Myrtle deals with pregnancy.

Anyways, thats my rant for the day! Today I'm doing NOTHING! hubs has gone camping. yes, he and my brother and my sisters fiance have gone to a national park (4 hour drive) to snow shoe to the interior of the park and do whatever you do when its snowing and you are stranded in the middle of nowhere.

FREAKS!

I'm going to take by babe (Cosmo) for a walk (if its stops pissing rain/snow!) and maybe go to the gym (its been MONTHS!) and maybe go see a movie or rent a nice chick flick! Hubby feels bad leaving me alone but sometimes its just so glorious to have the house to myself! I don't even feel like calling any friends, its just so peaceful and LAZY!

:) Enjoy your weekend!

LTB

Meet the Parents

Today has to be the worst day of the school year! We have to teach all day, then right away the parents start to come in for 5 minute interviews scheduled until 9pm. Then again ALL DAY tomorrow 8am to 5pm! I hate meeting the parents. It is the WORST part of my job. These aren't just regular parents...I work at a private school for girls. These are very rich parents who think their children are geniuses (sorry...being rich doesn't automatically make your daughter good at math!!!) I end up doing a lot of smiling and nodding and try to make my criticism as gentle as possible. You wouldn't want to ruffle too many feathers...afterall these are the people paying my salary. I often go over the public/private debate in my head. I love the perks of teaching at a private school (unbelievable unlimited resources in terms of facilities, technology, resources, free laptop, no discipline problems) but there are also the major cons (PARENTS, job insecurity- don't piss off the wrong parent or administrator or you might be gone!, dress code)! Ah well...such is life.
Here come the ogres..."aka parents"
:)

Yeah for another award! Thanks to Lisa at Our Fertility Adventure!

The rules of this award are to write 10 things that make my day and pass it on to 10 other bloggies!

Ten Things that Make my Day!

1. Sunshine... I love the sun, love it, love it, love it!!! I have lived in Californina twice and if my family was there I would be a So-Cal girl FOR SURE! Everyone and everything looks better with a tan!

2. My morning greeting from Cosmo! Lots of licks and mega tail wags!

3. My night time cuddles with Cosmo before we put him to bed! He nuzzles into my tummy and it is soooo cute!

4. Peanut Butter (and lots and lots of it!)...I have eaten it for breakfast EVERYDAY for the past 5 years!

5. Long Sunday walks with hubby. We always find different neat things to see in our own city!

6. Evening chats with my mom on the phone (its like clock-work and when she doesn't call I get sad or think something is wrong!)

7. Getting a great back massage from hubby (with no post-massage expectations....if you know what I mean!!)

8. Long power walks with my best friend (not sure what I like more: the walks or the gossip!)

9. Late start days at work! Love the extra sleep ins! We get these 9:15am starts every few weeks!

10. Watching each new episode of Dexter with hubs and obsessing over what will happen next! We have to wait until Sept for next season to start....booooo!

So that's my list of not so exciting things that make me happy! I love being happy so I should try to schedule a day where ALL of these happen together! Its possible and would make for a SUPERB day!

And now here's my list of deserving bloggies (sorry if you have already received this award, I know its been goin' around!)

1. Such a Good Egg

2. Basic Girl

3. Mission Motherhood

4. Mission Gidgelet

5. A plus B, waiting for C

6. From IF to When

7. I did, I do, I will!

8. Fertility Chick

9. The sassy Inferlite lady

10. Steps to Baby

Of course I think all of my bloggie girls are wonderful but these are my 10 for today! Love ya's!

LTB

Where the heck did the weekend go???

Hello hello girlies! I had a super busy weekend and I can't believe it is OVER! Friday night hubs and I went grocery shopping...what an exciting pair we are! Saturday I had to work all day at a job fair for private schools as a representative for the school I work for. When I got home I had to cook cook cook ! Today I was having my inlaws and BIL and SIL over for MIL's birthday lunch/dinner. It was a great chance for us to show off our new kitchen but I always get stressed cooking for them b/c MIL is an amazing cook and can be super hyper critical! They are hard-core Italian so they like good food and lots of it! Here's what I made:
-lots of apps including guacamole, tomatoes with basil and fresh mozzarella, crackers and brie, olives, sopressato sausage and fresh figs
-homemade butternut squash and sweet potatoe soup
-roasted potatoes with rosemary and sea salt
-brocoli with olive oil and balsamic
-chicken stuffed with leeks and sausage and served in a wild mushroom sauce with shitake mushrooms
-sauteed peas, onions and mushrooms on the side
-baby spinach salad with red peppers, sliced almonds and goat cheese
-SIL brought a chocolate cake and hubs made yummy cappucinos!

It was a HUGE and great feast! Everyone seemed happy so that means I was happy!
I told SIL (who is 8 months preg) about my cysts and the fallopian tube and so maybe they will all stay off my case about the babies for a while! She was nice about it but also went on to tell me that her current hubby left his ex-wife b/c she couldn't have kids and he couldn't bear the thought of it just being the two of them forever....thanks SIL that really makes me feel great!
I don't take this too seriously though because another reason BIL left his ex (and this is what HE told us!) is b/c she "was getting a big ass" and "wanted to watch movies on Friday nights". He is an ass. Obviously. To emphasize how much of an ass, he also always tells my 8 month preg SIL to stop eating and leave room for the baby, tells her she's fat and that she better enjoy this preg while it lasts b/c the way she looks is unacceptable otherwise! What a f'n dick head eh!
Anyways...I digress!
I also found time this weekend to go and buy myself this dress to wear to a wedding in March. I was holding off getting a dress b/c I thought I might be lucky enough to be "fatter" come March! Not going to happen! So I figured if I can't be preg atleast I can look hot! The dress is super cute and fits me perfect.
Well, i'm off to bed! Have good dreams bloggies!

LTB

Miserable is ANNOYING!

I read my blog and i'm annoyed at myself. I'm annoying. miserable. I'm really not this miserable in real life...i'm happy. I love my life and my family and hubby and pup...BIG TIME! I'm really not stressing over yesterday's test. Atleast its done, i still have one tube and I'm getting pumped to start next cycle in 3 weeks. I know my time will come. I know it.
:)

Inconclusive

Inconclusive and unexplained. That seems to be the story of this IF journey for me. Seriously I think I would rather have some terrible diagnosis than have another doctor say "we just don't know" with a stupid look on his face. Today I had my HORRIFYING HSG. Just like last time it was agonizing, not sure if i'm just a wimp but it hurt so bad it took my breath away and I had to lay on the table for atleast 10 minutes afterwards sipping water and sweating like I had just run a marathon! I didn't ask the doc all the questions I should have b/c I was feeling so horrible and just wanted to get the heck out of there. But from what I gathered, my endometrium and uterine cavity look fine (except at one point he asked me if I'd ever had an iud put in...not sure what that was about) and my right tube is open. Left tube....inconclusive. WTF! It's either open or not! And the most annoying part is now if I do have one closed tube that just means its extra impossible for me to get preggers and IVF will probably be necessary (which means HUGE bucks out of my pocket), however, in Ontario (where I live) if BOTH tubes are blocked then IVF is COVERED under the provincial health care system and would be FREE! WTF!!!! I know its terrible to say but at this point I just wish both my friggin' tubes were blocked so we could get this show on the road and just do IVF! ugh.
Anyways, that's my huge vent for the day, I'm going to go take a bath with Cosmo (he loves to come right in the bubble baths with me and then I put some towels in the dryer and make them really warm and throw him right in the dryer with them! He looks so cute all curled up in the towels in the dryer!) then i'm off to bed. I missed work today due to the hellish appt I had so I have to get up early to figure out what the heck I'm teaching tomorrow!
LTB

I'm OUT!

This month is now officially a write off. Don't even know why I bothered with talking to my hubby about iui since now I have 5 cysts left over from last cycle! Yes....5!!!! Back to BCP for me.

Sad. Frustrated. Confused...why am I getting cysts!!!??? I'm getting an HSG on Wednesday so atleast i'm accomplishing something this month! I'm super freaked though because last time I tried the HSG it hurt so bad that they couldn't even do it! And, my hubs can't come to my appt on Wednesday. So I will have to go to the appointment by myself...on the subway. They told me they might give me some mild sedation so I can't drive. Super scary. Wish me luck!

Happy Valentine's day everyone! Enjoy the hubs today! We are heading out to a nice Italian restaurant to try to re-live our amazing summer vacation!

:)LTB

The $ talk...

After my negative beta and an IUI being suggested by my doc I was PARANOID to talk to my hubs about it because I KNEW he would freak over the cost. And, as expected, he sort of freaked. He thougth we should just try the injections with timed intercourse again (and again and again) ! Obviously he is not the one getting the injections, getting the huge bloat, feeling exhausted, getting infinite number of vag cam ultrasounds! He started getting all worked up and so far ahead of himself saying that I will not be happy when we do one of these iuis and then i'll want to do iui again and then Ivf and he is never paying 20 grand for ivf blah blah blah! I slowed him down and we talked rationally and the GREAT news is he is on board. and excited. One of our favourite places to go to on vacation to Jamaica. We love the local people! Well, this morning hubs woke up and told me that a "rasta-mon" from Jamaica told him in his dream that we "got to keep dis ting goin'. " This dream convinced my hubs that we are meant to keep trying and do iui. (I am loving those Jamaican rasta guys even more right now!Whatever it takes to get through to him!).
I go for CD3 ultra sound tomorrow (I have to remember not to pee before i go, i always screw it up!) so before I even get ahead of myself in thinking we will do IUI this month, I need to plan for the worst case scenario...residual cyst and sitting out a cycle. Fingers crossed for no cysts!

Now. on a totally separate note...I had a total social jealousy feeling yesterday thhat I haven't had in years! A bunch of bloggers that I always read got to meet IRL and I felt totally left out:(.

So great that they live close to one another! I so wish I could have joined the party! If anyone out there is from Toronto, let me know and lets meet up!
love yas!
LTB

Official Beta= Negative :(

oh well. I wasn't expecting anything else. I talked to the RE and here's my next protocol:
Stop all progesterone suppositories (yeah!!!)
Wait for AF
Ultrasounds on Day 3 and medications (injections of menopur) start
SHG ultrasound on Day 6 with "mild sedation" since it was way too painful for me last time!
Trigger
IUI 2 days in a row

Now i'm just worried about cost.......what do you guys have to pay for IUI? I know my ultrasounds and everything is all covered by our Ontario Health Plan but IUI is an elective process that is not covered and I'm nervous about starting to pay for stuff!

I'm also nervous about my husbands' reaction when I tell him we have to pay for this. He's been all fine with me going to a billion appts and taking a billion drugs and giving me a billion needles but as soon as I bring up money I know he is going to freak (whether he shows me that he's freaking or just freaks on the inside will be interesting to see). He is VERY tight with our money. We have enough money. He just likes to SAVE it and wants to pay off our mortgage in like 3 years! He is going to HATE to pay for something that should happen naturally. I'm scared he might even just say to forget it.

I'll let you know what he says.......

To Test or Not to Test...I tested

I'm 14 days post trigger and I couldn't resist testing. My actual beta is Wednesday morning. Today I got a hideous BFN. All hope is lost...hubby thinks we should still hold on to hope until beta but I think I'm done with hoping. This sucks. I'm trying to stay cheerful, had a great sleep, have a beautiful new kitchen (after many many headaches and stressful moments this weekend). I guess i'll be enjoying a great glass a wine on Vday this weekend. Always look for the postives right?
Positive number 2: I'll get to stop the gross progesterone suppositories. I was tempted to just spot them today but decided to wait it out (i guess there is some secret hope still left in me)!

Moving on....

Surprise!!!

Yippee! Surprise call from the counter top people! They fixed the counter top and brought it to install today! Luckily I had time to come home and let them in at lunch to do the work! I know they finished the counter and sink and still need to come back to do the back splash. I'm excited/nervous to go home and see how they did! Then we will arrange for them to come back hopefully tomorrow to do the backsplash (they are probably anxious to finish it since we haven't paid yet)! Very relieved to get the counter on and excited to get my kitchen back in order. I have surprisingly not thought about my upcoming beta much at all. I'm not really nervous or excited. I kind of feel resigned to the fact that its going to be negative and thinking more about "next steps" and scheduling an appt with the actual doctor to discuss this. Also thinking about possibly re-trying the agonizing HSG and maybe scheduling the laproscopy my gyne was keen to do in the fall.

I have BIG plans for the weekend....

Supervising the highschool formal! These events are always so awkward! I teach at an all girls school so it is so weird to see them interact (ie. MAKE OUT!) with boys!

Definitely doesn't help me feel any younger.........have I mentioned before....I hate being 30!

(maybe 31 will be better ...only one month to go....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

LTB

Got the Tuesday's

I was happy on Monday but today I have a serious case of the blues. I got the blues on Tues! I came home from work at lunch to let the guy in who is supposed to install our granite counters and he called and said he dropped our counter and it broke. So we have to wait until next Monday. Why does everything involve waiting! Now I have the 2ww and the counter top wait! what sucks the most is that he was going to be here all day tomorrow so i made a special request to my principal to have the day off and they arranged for a suppy teacher and everything and now its pointless. I'm still taking the day off since I had also already scheduled a hair cut and dentist appt and have to get my 7dpo progesterone test. But now i don't know what we are going to do about next MOnday. I might have to call in 'sick'. I totally hate doing this! Not only is it more work for me to prepare for a supply teacher but I feel like a lying cheat since i'm not really sick! Soooooo frustrated. And to make me even more frustrated is the fact that my hyper -paranoid and stress ball hubby is freaking out over the counter. He is a mega pessimist and figures the guy is lying and he is really just stealing our deposit and will never do the job. And its my fault because I got this guy refered to us by a friend.
This is such a boring post.

I am also feeling blogger blah. I have nothing meaningful to add to the blogger community and all the blogs i'm reading seem to be kind of blah and sad or pregnant and happy. Not really sure what I want the blogs to be but both of those extremes are just rubbing me the wrong way.

TTC update: 7dpo progesterone tomorrow, one week done of the 2ww.

ciao., off to do some marking.
LTB