In order to lift my spirits and in particular get my hubby on board with helping more I decided to make a plan. My husband isn't really the jerk I make him out to be. He is an amazing guy, hard working, super sensitive and madly in love with me and my daughter. He is however a bit oblivious. I honestly think he doesn't know how to help. And how can I really blame him since until I made "the plan" I didn't even know how I wanted him to help. So, I made a plan and approached him about it and his is ON BOARD! So, after this weekend, here's hoping that I get some more support at home.
The plan:
1. Instead of coming home from work and eating the dinner I prepared while I hold the fussy baby (yes...I started doing this and then I will eat after...my fault...he never asked for this but he did say he is too hungry when he comes home to do anything except eat immediately), he will have a snack before coming home and when he gets home it will be his time (about 45 minutes) with the baby. I will cook dinner and we can eat after she goes to bed.
2. Instead of me going in the big bath tub with Alexandra every night, he will bathe her in the baby tub and read her a story and call me up to nurse her before bed. Then he puts her in the crib and is "on duty" until 11pm. If she cries he has to do the checking/shushing.
3. He normally goes to the gym every morning at 6:30 am and gets to work at about 8:15am. Instead of doing this I have asked him to take 2 mornings a week and get up with us at around 7am when Alexandra wakes up. Even if he is just laying beside me in the bed while I nurse her I think it will be a great bonding time for us as a family. On those days he can go to the gym after she goes to bed if he still wants to go.
4. Saturday is MY day. I'm going to get my hair done, coming home to feed her, going to get a pedicure, coming home to feed her and then going to the mall. After all that the three of us are going to go to dinner together (early...to accommodate Alexandra's 6:30/7 bed time). So, this will be his first extended stretch of time being alone with the baby. Maybe after this he will appreciate all that I do much more! And I will be "beautiful" (this mama is in DESPERATE need of highlights and a cut!) and refreshed.
I am feeling relieved to have talked to him about it and proud that i didn't attack him with "you are a selfish asshole..." and instead made a plan and he was totally responsive and happy and loved the plan.
So, today is a GOOD FRIDAY indeed! Happy Easter weekend everyone!!!
LTB
Restless
3 hours ago
Sounds great!! I hope it works out!
ReplyDeleteSounds like a WONDERFUL plan! LOL about the selfish asshole comment. There have been times when I just want to say that to my DH as well.
ReplyDeleteHave a great weekend! Enjoy!
I was just about to comment on your previous post. First of all, thank you for writing that post....it was honest and REAL. I've only been doing this a month, but oh my GOSH could I relate. My hubs is awesome, but I am with the babies 90% of the time and it is exhausting and emotional. And our little Lucy is super fussy like Alexandra (the ped even said it might be colic when we were there yesterday, omg, freaking) and it is so so so so so hard to be the one way to soothe the baby.
ReplyDeleteBut my suggestion was going to ditto Lesley's, getting a sitter for a few hours a few times a week....so you can nap, get a mani, workout, WHATEVER you need to do to recharge and re-set. The few afternoons a week my MIL comes over are the light that gets me thru allllll the dark hours. I wish I could say I always choose taking a walk or doing "something" for myself (like getting groceries or a mani), but most times I choose SLEEP. And then a shower. And then I come back to the babies with lots more mojo. you know?
But it sounds like you are getting the same thing accomplished by getting hubs more involved. LOVE THIS PLAN! Also, I bet your trip to Florida will be awesome....it'll re-set the rut you've gotten into and get your hubs more into helping with childcare. Plus, it'll be quality bonding time for the whole fam. Plus, SUNSHINE, right?!
You're doing awesome, Mama!!! Keep writing!!! xoxo
That sounds like a great plan. A little bit of help can go a long way! I think you will start to feel so much better. Even if you just did one of ideas I think it will help.
ReplyDeleteSounds AWESOME. I think we all get in the habit of doing too much early on, because we want to, but it just isn't sustainable. I'm glad you're making some changes. Eating dinner together sounds like a great way to reconnect, too (if you aren't too tired to just eat in silence-- often what happens to E and I!)
ReplyDeleteI love your plan! Sometimes they need things spelled out, but it's great to carve out family time too, instead of them just watching ESPN all the time :)
ReplyDeleteI was just getting ready to comment on your previous post-- every new mom has felt that way!! We love our husbands, but they're totally cluelss. Outlining exactly what you want from him is brilliant and will help you so much-- this way there's no confusion over your expectations which are perfectly reasonable!! Please update us and let us know how the plan goes.
ReplyDeleteGood plan! I hope this helps you to feel a little more balanced in your life!
ReplyDeleteSounds like a great plan. Good for you for taking action without putting hubs on the defensive. It's SO hard not to feel resentful when you are the primary caretaker. My hubs is so helpful with the babies, but sometimes I just get so mad when he gets home from work and doesn't just take over, ya know? It's HARD when you're the one with the baby all day and then not get a break when hubs comes home. I hope this new plan works for you!!! You definitely deserve some "YOU" time :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you came up with a plan and he's on board!!! I hope you have a fabulous Saturday! Post pics of your beautiful self after the cut and pedi!
ReplyDeleteYour plan sounds awesome! I think it's a great idea. It's also a lot to change so don't be upset if only part of it gets executed successfully. You can always try the other parts again later.
ReplyDeleteGood luck! I think once you find some time for yourself everything will seem so much better.
New follower here! I hope you had an amazing Saturday - you deserve it, and while "me time" is so, so hard to find, it's so, so important!
ReplyDeleteI gave you a blog award over here: http://wolfrumchronicle.blogspot.com/2011/04/wheeee-blog-award.html
:)
This plan sounds great, LTB!! Good for you for figuring out what you need and communicating that with your hubs :-)
ReplyDeleteOk, this is an awesome plan. I soooo hope it worked. There is nothing that makes me feel more refreshed than getting my hair and nails done. I truly feel like a new women. Good for you!
ReplyDeleteSounds like a great plan! Let us know how it's working.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a great plan! I wanted to thank you for your last post too - it was great and wonderfully honest. I feel the same way about my husband too sometimes, even though he means well.
ReplyDeleteI hope you're feeling better!
I think your plan is a good one! Good on you for breaking this down to the hubs because, sadly, I think they need directions. I am finding personally that N needs explicit instruction sometimes. It's so frustrating because I do wish he'd just pick up on it when I am feeling overwhelmed or just wiped out...he doesn't though. And I'm not a big complainer, so if I'm not directly sharing how I feel it can get overlooked. I actually had a similar talk with my husband last week because the pace I've been keeping just isn't sustainable. It leaves me dragging and feeling unsupported...which makes resentment creep in. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteYou're definitely not alone, and I hope you see some progress! I hope you are able to carve some time out for yourself. :)