Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Not Invited!

We are having a crisis in my family right now. My little brother is getting married in September. I am a bridesmaid and was also asked to be the MC at the wedding. I was totally looking forward to it and my plan was to bring Alexandra to the wedding and reception and then leave around 7 to take her home and put her to bed and then have a babysitter there so I could go back to the wedding for the nighttime party. She will be 8 months old at that time. Since I'm the MC I emailed my bro and his fiance to tell them that I would be gone from about 7 to maybe 8:30 to put the baby to bed so they might want to ask someone else to either be the MC or to step in for me while I'm out. Well, last night my brother called me to tell me they didn't want Alexandra to come to the wedding at all. Not the ceremony. Not the pictures. Not the reception. They want me to get a babysitter for my breastfeeding baby for the entire day/night. Ummmm....NO!

I can't believe my brother is being such an asshole! Actually I think it's for sure the fiance but my bro is obviously on her side. So, basically I said I don't want to be in their wedding and he told me that was my choice and I could wait until August to make the final decision! WTF!
I told him to screw off and hung up!

Am I crazy or is it totally psycho that my baby is not invited to my brother's wedding?

Tell me she wouldn't make the cutest flowergirl????


  1. it's a tough one. we didn't allow any children at our wedding... though we DID provide legitimate babysitters at an off-site location (my mom's house) - and the kids had their own little wedding party with cupcakes and favors. I hope y'all can come to an amicable resolution.

  2. wow! That's crazy! I would be TOTALLY pissed off too and would have said the same thing if my brother or sister had told me my child was not invited to their wedding. WTH ever!! We allowed children at our wedding and reception and everything was fine. I don't get why some people don't want kids at their weddings. To each their own I suppose but your own brother!? Yikes!

  3. She's not just some baby of a guest, she's related! That is unreasonable of him to ask you that, especially since you already had made arrangements.

    It sounds like he's marrying a real peach and he has "love blinders" on.

    How are you parents reacting to this?

  4. But it's his niece! Surely they understand that! Wow. I'm a little amazed. However, if they're going with the "no children at the wedding" route, I am thinking they don't want to show any nepotism by having Alexandra there & no other kids.

    I don't know. I think I would ask his fiance why/what is her reasoning behind all this. And ya know - you might as well ask if she's invited to anyother family function in the future.

    And for the record, I would be pissed too.

    p.s. She is a doll!!

  5. a nursing 8 month old is totally different then not wanting kids running around during the ceremony/reception. They are not being understanding at all.

  6. Um, I don't think it's a tough one at all. OF COURSE SHE SHOULD BE INVITED!!!!! Shame on your brother. She is part of the family and most definitely should be part of the pictures and I think even part of the wedding. Even when people have adult only receptions anyone is still allowed to go to the ceremony and that means children too. I am shocked at your brother and am so sorry for you. This is the kind of family thing that you can never take back or redo. He will be sorry. She is a Doll by the way!!!

  7. We asked not to have children at our reception but nieces and nephews came to the wedding for the pictures. I think a baby is totally different that kids. We didn't think our reception would be an appropriate place for children to be with all of the booze and partying and all, but a baby, that's different and especially one that is related.

  8. We did not allow children at our reception, but I actually had a cousin who was breastfeeding at the time and I contacted her to let her know we of course expected her to bring her daughter. I think it is ridiculous to expect a nursing mother to leave her baby all day. My cousin was just a guest (not part of the wedding), and chose to leave her baby at home, but I never wanted her to have to choose between being there or taking care of her baby.

  9. It's tough.

    We had a child-free wedding, except for our flower girls. I did not want a baby crying or children acting up as I walked down the aisle or had my ceremony. We provided babysitters for the children of guests, on location, so that guests could easily check on their children. (We got married on a plantation and both the ceremony and reception were there.)

    So, I can completely understand, why they might not want Alexandra to come to the ceremony. But, I'm not sure why they care about the reception? We didn't want children running around ruining our $200/plate sit down dinner at our reception. But if an infant had been there, I'm sure no one would have noticed...

    That said, it's IS their special day and I think that their wishes should be honored. I understand that you're hurt that they're excluding Alexandra, but at this age they simply don't connect with her as they do other family members...and I can understand that.

    At 8 months old, she will likely only need to eat every 3-4 hours, so you might be able to slip away to feed her when needed or pump and have the sitter give her a bottle. I'm not sure how often you use babysitters or have family or friends watch her, but your brother's wedding might be a good night for you to enjoy yourself, baby free. Alexandra won't feel excluded, as she's not old enough to know the difference (and I'm sure that's what your brother's thinking).

    My brother is getting married next May, and I plan on getting a sitter for Liam (who will be about 20 months) & Baby #2 (who will be about 6 months). I want to provide my brother and his fiancee with my full attention on their wedding day & that wouldn't be possible if I had to care for my kids. (I will most likely have a sitter on site so I can check on them.)

    I hope you're able to to talk to your brother and at least work out a compromise that everyone's happy with. You don't want to miss this special time in his life, even though you're feeling hurt right now.

  10. I think it's unreasonable to expect you to leave her at home. I am in my brother's wedding at the end of this month and thank goodness they didn't ask me to leave my baby at home. I would have been pissed. We had a no children wedding, but my husband's cousin brought her baby and I was completely fine with that. The baby was about 6 months if I remember right. Husband and baby are just going to sit in the back during the ceremony of my brother's wedding so if he does get cranky he can slip out ASAP. I hope you guys can work on a middle ground. :(

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  12. I also think it's unreasonable to expect you to leave your breastfeeding baby at home! I understand the whole no-kids wedding thing, but a breastfeeding infant is totally different. I would be hurt and angry too. Hope you guys can work something out.

  13. Wtf! I get not having children at a wedding/reception, but not when it comes to your own immediate family! Wow...i would b so hurt too!

  14. I don't think that your brother is out of line at all. While your baby is certainly cute, she certainly isn't big enough to be a a flower girl and would be a huge distraction to the point of the wedding day (the people getting married). Would this event actually be fun for your daughter? I have 8 month old twin nieces who are not invited to our wedding. I love them and play with them everyday, but I know that they would be miserable at the wedding as well as their parents trying to watch them.

    I think the bottom line is you should ask yourself why you want her at the wedding? Will it be she get anything out of the day? Or do you just want to show her off?