tonight I got more bleeding. It wasn't alot and it was mostly brownish spotting when i wiped. It is definitely not dripping or bright red like on Sunday. I was just starting to feel calm and now i'm freaking out again! I know that it is most likely just left over blood from the hematoma or the hematoma bleeding out again but I want another ultrasound! And i don't have one until the 18th! If I get more bleeding before that I am going to call and book another one, i can't take it. Pregnancy for IFers is hell. At least fo rme. I'm filled with fear. I'm afraid of every thing I do. I'm afraid my diet sucks, i'm afraid that i caused the bleeding today by driving to the park and sitting on a bench (and a teeny tiny stroll around the park) to let my dog have some fun since i'm out of commission for our usual marathon walks. Maybe I really do need to be completely bed ridden. Maybe just to ease my mind. Hubs and I were thinking of maybe going out to dinner tomorrow but no chance now. I'm not leaving the house. No chance. And google...I f'n hate it too. Sooo many horror stories always seem to be popping up just in time to make me freak the fuck out! I know Ihave a hematoma...they bleed...but can they hurt my baby? Is that what this bleeding is from? or is something new and terrible ripping my dreams to shreds. If this baby doesn't make it...and trust me I will fight like hell and do what ever it takes (9 months of bed rest....bring it on!!!) to help this baby make it, but if he/she doesn't I dont' think I can try again. I don't think I will ever be strong or patient enough to go again. I will seriously be thinking adoption. I need children but the stress i am going through now...I can hardly keep it together.
I suck.
It takes us IFers sooooo freaking long to get pregnant you think we should get free-passes for an easy pregnancy! but now...of course not.
On a positive note...I watched some gossip girl (season 1, episodes 1 and 2...) and I like. I just stream those on my computer so I don't even have to pay money to rent them. TOmorrow i'm going to start Lost and more gossip girl. Big day tomorrow girls! The couch is calling!
:)LTB
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i'm so sorry about the bleeding ... you're right - after the hell we go trying to get pregnant, a free pass for an easy pregnancy should be a sure thing and a small favor to ask for. hang in there! *fingers crossed* for smooth sailing ahead :o) ps - do you get showtime? united states of tara is my FAV series ever. hysterical. aiden from sex in the city is the dad. he's great in the show, as is tony collette!!
ReplyDeleteSo freaking scary, LTB. I am so sorry you are going through this. You're doing awesome tho, staying as calm as possible and resting on the couch. Def call your RE for assurance whenever you need to. And Stay. OFf. Google. I knooooooow it's easier said than done, but that darn search engine can spark big-time fears. (As you know!) Hang in there friend!!
ReplyDeletePS I love Gossip Girl! Guiltiest of all TV pleasures! Love
How scary. I am so sorry you are going through this, LTB. I agree that pregnancy for IFers must be hell. After getting monitored 24/7, how are people supposed to feel when they have to wait weeks for their next appointment? I agree with Egg: call the RE if you need to. And STAY OFF GOOGLE. Dr. Google doesn't have a degree. :) Hang in there and enjoy Gossip Girl. I love that show!
ReplyDeleteIt is truly unfair that you have to have a scare like that, bleeding brown or red makes our heart stop, IFer's should most definitely get a free pass. I agree! That being said, I am sorry that you have to go through it, I think it is the hematoma causing it but its still scary. You are in my prayers! ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteOh LTB, I'm sorry for yet another scare. I totally felt like you were just reading my mind, pregnancy after IF is truly brutal...I'm just so scared and I don't know how to make it stop. I so worried about everything I do, I keep telling myself I just need to enjoy this...but the fear/doubt just keeps creeping back in. Ahhhh, praying for you hun...and stay on the couch, which I know you won't want to move from once you start Lost. Enjoy!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your stress and worry. This is scary and so unfair. I'm sending prayers for your little bean to stick out the 9 months and for some calm and comfort for you.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry about the extra stress and worry! Sending prayers that everything is still ok. Enjoy your Lost and Gossip Girls today. :)
ReplyDeleteLove this post. And not because you saw more blood, but because you summed it all up. It does SUCK for us IF'ers...the constant stress and worry is just overwhelming. I wish we were allowed perfect pregancy passes. Im so afraid now that when I do get pregnant again, the fight will be to STAY pregnant. Hang in there though! You are doing great. Seeing brown, means "old" so Ive heard. Try to lay off Dr. Google, he can be a bastard sometimes and just make us more crazy :)
ReplyDeleteHow scary...I'm sorry this is happening and causing you so much stress (I can only imagine!) I really think everything will be okay. Hang in there -- just a few more weeks until you're in 2nd trimester-land and hopefully NO more spotting. (((hugs))) LTB!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comment on my blog. It warmed my heart and was a sweet moment of brightness for me in this tough week.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
I hope you're keeping entertained on your bed rest. I heart Gossip Girl, but lately have been watching Glee as I sit around.
I'm also always available for email entertainment :) thebabyrace@gmail.com