Thursday, December 9, 2010

The Wall

I've hit it. Mentally and physically I have hit the wall. I am hardly sleeping, running on pure adrenaline and just powering through my last week of work and the countdown to my dday (which is on Sunday!)

I am totally checked out of work, but at the same time trying to care enough to train my replacement. My students are keeping me happy becuase they are being super sweet and sad about me leaving! :) In hind sight I wish I had taken a week off before my due date. Although, I'm pretty positive I will be stuck waiting for atleast an extra week past my due date!

I have my final paper for my masters course due on Saturday at midnight. I'm also scrambling to get that done, with limited focus and motivation!

Christmas shopping...trying to get it ALL DONE! If this baby arrives I'm sure the last place I will want to be is in a mall right before xmas! I think i'm almost 100% done now.

Workouts...I quit this week. I was doing sooooooo well my entire pregnancy and keeping up pretty good workouts. Then on Saturday I even did a Body Pump class and walked 6 km home and felt great. Took Sunday off, then Monday (after only 4 hours of anxiety ridden sleep) I decided to just take it easy and not force myself to work out this week. First it was a plan to rest until Wednesday then get back into it until the baby comes. Well, that didn't happen (Christmas shopping did instead!!!) and now I feel lazy and gross and disappointed in myself but at the same time I think I need to listen to my body and rest before the baby makes its arrival. I hate that I have this exercise addictive personality that fills me with so much guilt! ugh! I suck at cutting myself any slack. So, I may be done with the gym until 6weeks (or longer) post-baby. Kind of freeing and relieving to say that. I'll just enjoy the nightly walks with the pups and the hubs.
One other reason I'm thinking its best to lay off the workouts is that I have been gettting a ton of painful contractions where my tummy gets rock hard, mis-shapen and crushes my lungs. I seriously have to breathe through these things! And I have noticed they get bad when I move alot (exercise) or lift heavy stuff. So, as much as I want labour to come, I want to avoid painful "false labour" contractions!!!

I just feel like I have hit a wall and I can't think about any one thing at a time because I have too much to think about!

And I'm tired. Really tired.

I hope that the baby waits until maybe Tuesday or Wednesday so I can get some rest this weekend! But then I again...I hope she doesn't wait too long!!!

Also, my friend from work who was due the same day as me had her baby yesterday. I'm jealous. And my infertile brain reared its ugly head and I felt a stab to my heart. Her baby was healthy and perfect, and I got a sudden sinking feeling in my gut that something will still go wrong with mine and I will be left alone in the infertile hole again! It really never ends I guess.

Anyways, thanks for listening to my rant! Clearly, I have lots to do and shouldn't be wasting time on the internet! But I love you guys too much, and I need a place to vent!

Have a happy Thursday!



  1. Good for you for listening to what your body needs. You've been a rock star with the workouts so far it sounds like. You're certainly an inspiration to me to get my lazy butt to the gym (I mean that...I'm in awe of your discipline). Go relax!

  2. I'm glad you're taking a break from the gym - rest up for a while before you go back at it. On top of exercising your body has been growing another human! It's probably more tired than you realize! I hope you get your paper done soon and can really chill out for a bit.

    P.S I'm sure your baby will healthy and fine as well, I can't wait to see pictures - hopefully soon!

  3. You're so close to the finish line! Hang in there!

  4. Wow! You are really working up into the end. And I had no idea you were working out so much while you were pregnant. No wonder you look so absolutely amazing! I know how hard it is at the end. You're so tired and you can't sleep and you want her to come but you also have so much to do! So many conflicting emotions! I think it's good that you're giving yourself a rest from working out. Just try to relax. Watch some TV. Spend time actually talking and listening to your hubby. Eat out at restaurants. All those things will be happening rarely to not at all when the baby comes, so do them now! I hope everything goes super smoothly and you have your happy, healthy baby in the next week!

    Good luck!

  5. I am there too sister! Unfortunately I am three weeks behind you and have already hit it but ugh, I know what you mean! I am SO thankful for this pregnancy and feel guilty when I mention my discomfort but I'm ready to have my sweet little guy in my arms staring back at me!

    I hope your baby gives you the weekend to rest and comes early next week. Can't wait to hear that it's time!

  6. Definitely rest as much as you can, even it means laying around and watching tv on the couch. You wont have the opportunity to do that pretty soon!! Hang in there these last few days!!

  7. I could have written this post (minus the exercising!) And EVERYONE around me that is due at the same time is having their babies before me so I've been feeling that infertile jealous pang again too. :( I hope that both of our babies are born without a hitch whether they have to be forced out or not. My doc has agreed to induce me next Friday so I just keep telling myself "one way or another, I will have a baby in my arms by the end of next week" and I hope you do too. Our little miracles just want to be born as close to Christmas as possible :) Hang in there mama. We can do it!!

  8. Hang in there, you're so close! Actually, I'm hoping that you're having your baby right now as we speak...or I mean as I type!