Hello Stranger!

I have dropped off the face of the earth. Apparently blogging with a new born and Christmas is proving too much for me! I'm reading though (mostly while breastfeeding!) And I miss you guys!

So....Alexandra is 15 days old now. I love her more than I thought possible to love ANYONE! My fears of not loving her like every other mother describes evaporated the instant I heard her first cry and kissed her cheek. She is a precious, beautiful angel and my heart melts when I look at her.

I was VERY emotional for the first week (ok...i'm still really emotional) after she was born. I cried EVERYDAY. But they were tears of overwhelming love. Seriously, I was so overwhelmed with emotion and the only way I knew to deal was to cry! And of course, i have already started crying about her growing up too fast! I haven't been feeling sad or depressed at all which was another one of my fears so that is good. But that being said, it has been a super busy time with lots of visitors and fun times. Reality will set in come January when everyone is back to work adn its just me and A at home alone.

We have already been out a bunch of times. Walks to the coffee shop, grocery store, and even to a friend's birthday party when she was 5 days old. She does great in the stroller, car seat and loved the party (ie. she slept the entire time! )

The one thing I'm struggling with is a bit of resentment of the hubs. He sleeps 8 hours straight everynight. I sleep in 2 hour stretches. I am exhausted and I sometimes want to kill him when my alarm goes off to feed her at 3am and I look over to see him snoring like a bear. ..... errrr.
He is off work now until next week so part of me is pissed that he gets to sleep and he doesn't even have to get up for work. But really, there is no point in him getting up since i'm the one with the boobs. Speaking of boobs...woah...I've got BOOBS! And lots of milk, like running down my stomach and soaking through 2 shirts! crazy!

Also, had a few battles with hubs over his soccer games, parties for work, and his "need" to workout . All of these make me pissed since I'm at home, in pain (episiotomy...OUCH!) , and not allowed to work out or do anything for 6 weeks. I don't want to leave my baby girl either and i just don't get how he can even want to do all of those things rather than spend every free second with Alexandra. I think a mother's love is deeper than the fathers right at the beginning. But I see him getting more attached and being "better" with her everyday. His love is growing.

Anyways, little A is beckoning so I must got and whip out a boob for her! I will post the birth story and more photos later!

Miss you all and hope you are having a great holiday!
LTB

Littlest Princess

She's here!!!

At 1130 last night my water broke. By midnight contractions started and STRONG and 4 min apart. By 5 am, 10cm and time to push . 15 min of pushing And there was princess Alexandra! Perfect tiny little girl! 5 pounds 8 ounces! Will update more details with pics soon! Right now I'm exhausted but I mmommyheaven!!!!

The Wall

I've hit it. Mentally and physically I have hit the wall. I am hardly sleeping, running on pure adrenaline and just powering through my last week of work and the countdown to my dday (which is on Sunday!)

I am totally checked out of work, but at the same time trying to care enough to train my replacement. My students are keeping me happy becuase they are being super sweet and sad about me leaving! :) In hind sight I wish I had taken a week off before my due date. Although, I'm pretty positive I will be stuck waiting for atleast an extra week past my due date!

I have my final paper for my masters course due on Saturday at midnight. I'm also scrambling to get that done, with limited focus and motivation!

Christmas shopping...trying to get it ALL DONE! If this baby arrives I'm sure the last place I will want to be is in a mall right before xmas! I think i'm almost 100% done now.

Workouts...I quit this week. I was doing sooooooo well my entire pregnancy and keeping up pretty good workouts. Then on Saturday I even did a Body Pump class and walked 6 km home and felt great. Took Sunday off, then Monday (after only 4 hours of anxiety ridden sleep) I decided to just take it easy and not force myself to work out this week. First it was a plan to rest until Wednesday then get back into it until the baby comes. Well, that didn't happen (Christmas shopping did instead!!!) and now I feel lazy and gross and disappointed in myself but at the same time I think I need to listen to my body and rest before the baby makes its arrival. I hate that I have this exercise addictive personality that fills me with so much guilt! ugh! I suck at cutting myself any slack. So, I may be done with the gym until 6weeks (or longer) post-baby. Kind of freeing and relieving to say that. I'll just enjoy the nightly walks with the pups and the hubs.
One other reason I'm thinking its best to lay off the workouts is that I have been gettting a ton of painful contractions where my tummy gets rock hard, mis-shapen and crushes my lungs. I seriously have to breathe through these things! And I have noticed they get bad when I move alot (exercise) or lift heavy stuff. So, as much as I want labour to come, I want to avoid painful "false labour" contractions!!!

I just feel like I have hit a wall and I can't think about any one thing at a time because I have too much to think about!

And I'm tired. Really tired.

I hope that the baby waits until maybe Tuesday or Wednesday so I can get some rest this weekend! But then I again...I hope she doesn't wait too long!!!

Also, my friend from work who was due the same day as me had her baby yesterday. I'm jealous. And my infertile brain reared its ugly head and I felt a stab to my heart. Her baby was healthy and perfect, and I got a sudden sinking feeling in my gut that something will still go wrong with mine and I will be left alone in the infertile hole again! It really never ends I guess.

Anyways, thanks for listening to my rant! Clearly, I have lots to do and shouldn't be wasting time on the internet! But I love you guys too much, and I need a place to vent!

Have a happy Thursday!

LTB

39 weeks

How Far Along? 39 weeks....6 days till due date. I'm due on Sunday! OMFG!

Maternity Clothes? Everything is just majorly uncomfortable since about Friday now. My belly is really tight and hard and irritated by anything touching it.

Stretch Marks? No. I beat this nasty beast!

Sleep: Too many pee breaks are making me tired! Woke up this morning at 4:30am...couldn't fall back asleep. Finally got up at 6 and walked the dog, in the snowy yucky weather. He was not pleased, but I was bored and had to do something productive!

Best Moment of the Week? I can't think of anything super wonderful that happened this week! Sad I know!


Movement? Less. Painful jabs and tummy tightening.

Food Cravings? nope

Gender? GIRL

What I miss? My stomach not being in pain. It keeps tightening and it actually takes my breath away. Feels like my lungs are tightening up. Not sure if these are Braxton Hicks contractions or real contractions or something totally different. But they hurt.


What I'm looking forward to? Mat leave starts in 4 days! And birth of the baby! eek!

Weekly Wisdom: D-day seems so far away and then it creeps right up on you! I'm so scared!

Milestones: ?

Emotions: I'm scared. I'm scared of change. I'm scared of my life changing and having no "me" time. I'm scared I won't want to be around my baby 100% of the time like all of the other moms I read about! What if I can't handle being a mom! What if I don't get that amazing love feeling all new moms talk about? I feel so guilty admitting this but it's true.

Hope you all have a great week. And wish me luck making it through my last week of work (hoping this babe doesn't decide to come out early...I must work the rest of the week!)

LTB

38.5 week belly pics

I am getting a bit sentimental that these are going to be one of the last belly pics I take! Crazy!

We are noticing the shape of the belly looks more 'down', hangin' low!



Side view (ignore the messy room floor!)





Another one of the super low belly!


Hope you all have a good weekend!

LTB

38 weeks

How Far Along? 38 weeks and 3 days! I guess this kid is coming any time now (or super late...which is what I'm expecting!)

Maternity Clothes? The usual. Work pants and jeans are maternity, otherwise no way.

Stretch Marks? No. I beat this nasty beast!

Sleep: Too many pee breaks are making me tired!

Best Moment of the Week? Got my first internal exam. Did not hurt. I was nervous it was going to KILL but it was no big deal at all! Apparently my cervix is short and I'm a fingertip dilated (whatever that means?!) Doc said this is good, but I could also stay this way for weeks.

And we installed the car seat! So now I drive a baby-mobile!


Movement? Less. And it freaks me out sometimes. Doc said she is just outta room. I've been using the doppler again though when I get nervous! Or just poking her so she gives me a little wiggle!

Food Cravings? Smoked meat sandwiches....weird!

Gender? GIRL

What I miss? Nothing! I feel great and I'm just excited to get my baby in my arms!


What I'm looking forward to? Only one more Monday left until maternity leave begins! woo hoo! I'm looking forward to being done work (and hopefully having a baby in my arms within days of finishing!)

Weekly Wisdom: Pregnant and shopping in ridiculously busy malls is a PAIN! People are so rude and pushy and I hate shopping! Might do the rest of my Christmas shopping online!

Milestones: We are in my baby's "birth month" now!

Emotions: Today I'm feel really calm and cool. I'm not feeling like I'm ready to give birth, I don't feel "pregnant" enough or exhausted enough yet! I feel like I might be pregnant forever! ha ha! I'm just trying to go with the flow and not get too anxious or excited any time soon!

So, that's me at 38 weeks. Next week is a boring doctor appt (no internal check or anything) and then the following week when I'll be 40 weeks and 2 days we will "sweep my membranes" to help labour along.

I'll post some pics when hubs and I take some tonight! But basically, I look the same as last week. I think belly growth is maxing out!

LTB